I just need to get this off my chest, I feel awful

It’ll be a wonder if my phone doesn’t crash or something doesn’t go wrong if I type this. They’re watching now and don’t like it when I talk about them. They mess with my technology.

I feel sad. Deeply sad. I know I talk a big game about wanting to fight and push forward no matter the circumstances but sometimes I just feel so hopeless. I know the Devil runs everything. He doesn’t want anyone to know. He runs everything here. I try to stand up to him and he just laughs at me. He could crush me without even moving a finger. Humans are like puppets to him. I wonder if maybe the power has gone to his head. Though maybe that’s a bit silly to say as I’m sure he has power in hell as well. Actually I have no clue what hell is like where he is, I hope I never find out.

Anyways I act brave but in reality I am very scared. I feel like a rabbit trying to face off against a human hunter. A predator on a whole other level of cunning that can do things and plan things I couldn’t even begin to comprehend. Yet supposedly we are stronger than him. Each of us souls individually even supposedly are stronger. But he uses tactics to make us feel like we aren’t like he’s been doing to me lately. I feel so far from my Father. This world isn’t safe. It’s not right. Why is this our school? Why would Father send us somewhere so dangerous? I already know the answers. It’s just hard to accept.

The devil is so, so scary. Maybe it is better people don’t know about him. They don’t have to live like I do. I’m scared they will hurt me tonight. Last night I had rocks thrown at me. It hurt so bad. I should’ve fought back but I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t know what to do. There’s no one that can help me. There’s no one who understands. I can’t even TALK out loud about this because they show up and clamp a hand around my neck.

The other demons feel cold but he feels very warm. Hot. Why? I’m scared. Can someone talk to me?

I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. Do you typically avoid religion? Because if not I think now is a good time to start. It sounds like your religion is really hurting you.


It’s usually a sign if your struggling that you think things that most people don’t. Religion and schizophrenia aren’t really opposed but most religious folks aren’t in a fundamental battle between good and evil. That should tell you that your brain might be giving you some unusual cues as compared to most people.

Loss of function is the key. If your not dealing well with these thoughts you might need some medical help. I know that is problematic for most folk but it’s not normal to think such things!

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Hey out of the blue a friend of mine called and I chatted with her and feel better now and a lot more grounded. Very grateful. I’m going to get ready for bed.

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Life isn’t good or evil although you may see those things!

It just is! So glad your friend called and you had some decent interaction. That will help no end! Get some sleep tomorrow is another day but work on all that metaphysical stuff! It’s not good thinking things that most don’t! Peace!


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