I have to learn how to live with depression

I went to see my excellent pdoc today, I told her that my depression still existed and my depressive episodes are getting deeper and lasting longer. The problem is that because of the type of bipolar disorder I have - fast mood shifts/ultradian cycling and mixed episodes - I cannot take your traditional SSRI or SNRI antidepressants - Heck I can barely tolerate Lamictal, an antidepressant type mood stabilizer. She seems to be telling me that antidepressants will make my anxiety, mood - psychosis worse - She is basically telling me to continue with the dose of Lamictal and if my depression becomes more chronic and deeper (severe depression) - she will give me emergency meds for it.
So in the meantime I am going to have to live with my depressive episodes - lack of motivation, sadness, etc…
Her thinking is that if it is just on and off it is tolerable - deal with it. I do know that antidepressant type meds destabilize me further, she is right. I am a depressed person who cannot take antidepressants or antidepressant type meds.
She did however mention Latuda as an alternative. This would mean that I would have to go off the Risperdal - a good medication for me. But if my depression goes deeper and becomes more chronic I will probably ask for Latuda - I will have no real choice - In the meantime I will be living a blue life

We are here with you. I don’t take antidepressant, too, but I have been told by psychiatric professor (the head of my psychiatrist) that Fluanxol depot has effect on me to ease depression.

1 Like

Sorry your choices seem so limited right now. But I’m impressed with your working relationship with your pdoc.

Before I started taking an anti-depressant (Wellbutrin) there was one idea that seemed to help me sometimes. I would allow myself to be good and depressed but tell myself it often doesn’t last more than 3 hours. I guess it gave me a feeling of light at the end of the tunnel.

Keep posting if possible!


I am also glad you and your doc are working as team on this one. I admire you patience to stick with this and keep an open mind.

I hope something gives you a break through so you can end the circle.

I’m rooting for you.

1 Like

I am so sorry to hear that you have very limited choice for the treatment of your depression. Risperidone is good at suppressing voices and delusions , but risperidone had brought severe depression to me around four years ago. So I don’t think Risperidone is good for you. Hopefully latuda will perform better on your body. Never give up hope!

1 Like

I’m kinda in the same boat. Having to live with the depression. I don’t seem to be as treatment resistant as you are as I am not as bad as I was and am able to tolerate antidepressants. They just don’t seem to be helping. I don’t have any words of advice for you, I wish I did. This type of depression is so oppressive and energy sapping. I joined a DBT group and that helped me gain some coping skills. I know that my emotions come in waves and that I just need to wait them out. Like when I am so low, like SI/SU it only lasts for a while, if I can just make it through that hour or two then I even out and go back to blah. Most of the time I cope by filling in the time. When I’m not busy doing something the blackness creeps in and the depression gets really bad. So I do stuff. Craft, read, watch tv. I’ve learned not to just zone out, that makes everything worse. I need to keep my mind engaged. No alcohol, or in moderation when I do indulge on special occasions because its a depressant. I cut out the people that were in my life that brought me down. Except my mom, she sucks the life out of me but hey she’s my mom I can’t cut her out. A schedule helps to. Getting up at the same time everyday and going to bed at the same time everyday helps. If you ever want to talk PM me.

1 Like

Thumbs up on Latuda from both my wife and I. It can cause TD, but so can a lot of other nastier stuff.

1 Like

I also an depressed and very very anxious and would probably benefit from an SSRI if I could tolerate it without it making me acutely psychotic… I take ativan for the anxiety, but I hate taking ativan.

I am on clozaril for psychosis, also on haldol. At my last hospitalization last winter i was put on latuda 80mg. They thought it would help my psychosis. Also, my mood. It did help, and I eventually after 6 weeks got out of the hospital.

When my pdoc tried to increase the latuda as an outpatient up to 100mg, I got manic and psychotic. insomnia, voices, and agitated. could only toleratea 80mg.

but, I do take the latuda still in addition to clozaril and haldol. not sure how much it helps my mood and anxiety.


1 Like

I am a little leery trying Latuda - if it acts like an antidepressant, I will probably get manic on it or my psychosis will be aggravated, or my anxiety will worsen - antidepressant type meds have this effect on me. I am barely tolerating a low dose of 50mg of Lamictal, any higher I will get hypomanic and my anxiety will worsen, any lower and my depression gets worse

Wave-I remember when you were talking about Latuda some time back, and didnt feel good about switching around. Maybe its time and you can start low.
I hope you can find an alternative.
Hang tough–things are going to turn around for you.OO

1 Like