I have schizophrenia and it’s ruining my marriage

From: sophian

Hi there,

I currently have mild-moderate schizophrenia and am on 3 meds to reduce the symptoms (not
completely gone). I work full-time at an office, and am known as the “happy” girl at work with a
positive attitude. But most people don’t know how much I suffer with schizophrenia.

It’s honestly
ruining my marriage with the one person who is intimate with me (my husband) because my reality is distorted. I over-analyze most of the things my husband says or does (mostly minor), then I feel like he is against me, and I become this mean person to him, wanting to divorce him, and accusing of being against me.

He is really patient and does not want to leave me, but I just feel so bad after he does his best to explain the reality to me (that he is not against me). I feel like I am fine with most people but with him, I just put him through so much, I feel soo bad, but not when I’m getting defensive (it just feels so real).

We do not have any children yet, but I just came here to hear from anyone really, as there are not much people that understand. I spoke to my doctor very briefly about it, and she said she can’t tell if it is my illness or him, but I know it’s my illness because how can I love him so much one day, and then want a divorce within a few hours/day, it’s just a terrible cycle of up and down. Either way, I can’t take any more meds, I am already on 3 of them. Any comments would be great. thanks.

We’re basically at the mercy of our meds, and how well they work or don’t work, to a large degree.

Most of us here have had to try several different meds before finding the right one(s).

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Definitely therapy. If it can be couples therapy, even better.

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i think you need to trust the doctor and trust yourself, i also think you should trust your husband but just do what you think is right and just trust that things will get better for you and you’ll be ok,

there is a lot to be said about that word ‘Trust’ i think we need as much of it as possible when we are ill, we have to give it and also receive it and just live in it basically, a trusting environment.

You’re known as the happy, positive girl at work…

That’s the Ying

You’re taking the Yang out on your husband.

Treat your hubby like you do your co-workers, and see what happens.

Sometimes we treat strangers or casual friends better than we do our loved ones. Not sure if that is Sz or just the way people are sometimes.

It’s common for people to be worse at home. It’s where you’re safe and relaxed. You spend all day trying so hard to be nice to everyone and put on a sane face, and when you get home you’re just burnt out.

Or else maybe there is something causing you to be distrustful of him. When I have delusional thoughts about the people close to me, it usually happens right after they do something wrong. I think I can let it go and get over it, but my illness disagrees, and makes up lies about them instead.

Either way, I recommend open communication about how you’re feeling and how you guys can work together to find a solution. Therapy could probably help.

Reminds me more of my Borderline PD issues than SZ issues, honestly.

Hi Sophian, Don’t worry… I’ve been there. Who hasn’t been in a marriage and ended up feeling bad themselves or made their partner feel bad? That’s normal be it about money, kids, religion, affairs… It’s normal but how do you manage it especially if you feel its a type of problem you’d rather not manage. Do you wait for permission from your husband to let him tell you how it is? Does he then feel weak or angry or look sad? He’s probably not that bad and nor are you. Why don’t you write a diary and pour out the bad every so often then free up the strength you want to manage your husband? Maybe that could help…