… but my ex-wife refuses to answer them. Apparently I had hallucinations, though I don’t remember them. She won’t tell me what she saw or heard me do while hallucinating. She also told me that I said some things during my break that absolutely shook her to her core. I don’t know why she told me that, considering she won’t tell me what it was that I said. I explained to her that I know the horrors of psychosis firsthand, so there really is nothing she could tell me that would rattle me. Her response to that? “Well, it rattled me.” Maybe she’s afraid of triggering me, as she once said she would fill me in on this stuff when I’m more stable - this was a few years ago that she told me about this stuff (the break was August/September 2008) - but she still never did. I’m tempted to ask her again, even though I feel like I’m beating a dead horse, but I hate to bug her about it. I’m curious, though …
How many of you have had this problem, doing/saying things during a break and not remembering? I think I remember my first two breaks pretty well, but then I had thought that I was aware of what happened during this one.
I don’t remember what I said or did during any of my breaks (I was not in touch with reality). It would be interesting to know, but I don’t see any major benefit in knowing.
Do you feel that if you knew what you said and did during your psychotic breaks it would be helpful? If so, how?
I tend to not remember anything I do in general if I’m out of touch with reality, which is a huge part of my life.
It feels like I’ve forgotten a huge chunk of my life because of it.
But during my breaks? I only would remember the frightening bits such as if I saw something, but usually I write stuff down in my journal if it’s occured right then and there, just to keep in check how I was at the time.
I can’t be the only one who has total recall of everything when I was “supposedly” delusional could I?
Maybe they’re just fishing to see if it’s true, and how much they still need to rough me up to keep me from talking to the wrong folks?
I’m not going to go into detail.
Do you think @freakonaleash that maybe your ex is helping you, or maybe doesn’t really have anything that good to say, and is keeping it from you for some kind of power play?
You know, the “I know something about you that I’m not going to tell you,” kinda to keep control?
What could be so bad if you knew? What if it wasn’t so bad, but then she’d not have her side of the story if you could say otherwise?
I do recall some details of my own problems before I was on medicine and into therapy.
I can agree it is NOT something anyone should want to experience, it can be very frightening…
I don’t think it’s like that. I think she genuinely is trying to protect me from the truth. We still care about each other; we’re friends, or text buddies, anyway. We haven’t actually seen each other since 2009, but then we live in different parts of the country. Sometimes I think I’m still in love with her. Sometimes I wish we could get back together, but I know that will never happen, and that it wouldn’t work out, anyway.
In the relationship realm, I would go for a clean break from your ex. You seem like a good guy who could have a decent future with someone special.
I remember my psychotic thoughts, but I try not to think about them. I’ve found it best to keep moving forward and only looking back on it like it was a dream. I don’t internalize my psychosis. We shouldn’t feel guilty for our thoughts.
I don’t remember everything when I was at my worst. i just remember being on the way to the hospital and i heard devon one of the voices tell me to jump in front of a speeding fire truck. that’s all i remember. i don’t remember my first night at the hospital i remember my second day on and i remember waking up crying because i missed my partner so much. another thing i remember is my parents never called me. not once while i was in the hospital they thought i was having a break down because i was struggling to cope with my dad’s illnesses.
Honestly, the more I remember, the worse I feel. Wish I could just erase my memory of the horror and craziness. Why do you want to know? it could be something simple for you, but she did not experience it so it might be weird for her?
