Had a long talk with the Mrs last night. I apparently have blacked out a lot. There are so many things I don’t remember. Does everyone else get this when they are psychotic? I didn’t figure this out until 4 years into my illness but apparently it was happening before then too.
My wife was telling me all of these things I did and said that I have no recollection of. She swears I was hospitalized 7 times but I can only remember 4. I don’t think they would have let me out of the hospital if I wasn’t stable. I think I am going to request all of my records from the hospital.
Additionally she told me that all of her family thinks I will get psychotic and kill her. I have never been homicidal that I know of. I don’t quite know what to think about that. My wife also keeps a baseball bat by her side of the bed. I thought it was for burglars but she told me it’s for me if I lose it and go psychotic on her. Don’t quite know how I feel about that either.
It occurred to me on my first psychosis. I don’t remember exactly what I was doing…It was like a dream. I have some pieces but not a complete recollection.
I don’t remember exactly but what i’m sure of is that I wasn’t aware of what I was doing or what I was saying like it was another person who took control of my body.
Apparently, I was suicidal. I was trying to jump out of the window on several occasions. I never threaten anybody though.
Personally, I’m terrified about what could possibly happen during those phases. That’s why I take my medication religiously.
It kind of shocked me when she told me this and I didn’t know what to say.
She still has problems letting me go to bed when I want to. She wants me to be awake with her if she’s awake. We have been married more than 25 years.
But I was honestly more concerned with how much other people black out when they’re psychotic. It apparently has happened to me often. I figured it out when I checked out of outpatient once and the doctor asked me if I recognized him and I said I have never met you before. He told me when I first got there (inpatient) he was my doctor.
No telling what I told that guy. Would love to see his notes on me.
I’ve blacked out during psychosis. It happened at work. Apparently I just paced around and put hangers away with no recollection afterwards of having done either. Still, scary.
