Black outs

Had a long talk with the Mrs last night. I apparently have blacked out a lot. There are so many things I don’t remember. Does everyone else get this when they are psychotic? I didn’t figure this out until 4 years into my illness but apparently it was happening before then too.

My wife was telling me all of these things I did and said that I have no recollection of. She swears I was hospitalized 7 times but I can only remember 4. I don’t think they would have let me out of the hospital if I wasn’t stable. I think I am going to request all of my records from the hospital.

Additionally she told me that all of her family thinks I will get psychotic and kill her. I have never been homicidal that I know of. I don’t quite know what to think about that. My wife also keeps a baseball bat by her side of the bed. I thought it was for burglars but she told me it’s for me if I lose it and go psychotic on her. Don’t quite know how I feel about that either.

I will have to digest all this for a few days.

Happy Easter :rabbit2:

It occurred to me on my first psychosis. I don’t remember exactly what I was doing…It was like a dream. I have some pieces but not a complete recollection.
I don’t remember exactly but what i’m sure of is that I wasn’t aware of what I was doing or what I was saying like it was another person who took control of my body.
Apparently, I was suicidal. I was trying to jump out of the window on several occasions. I never threaten anybody though.
Personally, I’m terrified about what could possibly happen during those phases. That’s why I take my medication religiously.

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Ask her what’s happened to make her so scared of you. Like have you threatened her??

Not that I can recall. I will have to ask her.

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Definitely ask her and bring it up with your doctor!!

I mean no offense by this, but this is coming from the same woman who was hiding your meds from you not so long ago so you couldn’t go to sleep.

She’s kind of contradicting herself.

It kind of shocked me when she told me this and I didn’t know what to say.

She still has problems letting me go to bed when I want to. She wants me to be awake with her if she’s awake. We have been married more than 25 years.

But I was honestly more concerned with how much other people black out when they’re psychotic. It apparently has happened to me often. I figured it out when I checked out of outpatient once and the doctor asked me if I recognized him and I said I have never met you before. He told me when I first got there (inpatient) he was my doctor.

No telling what I told that guy. Would love to see his notes on me.

I’ve blacked out during psychosis. It happened at work. Apparently I just paced around and put hangers away with no recollection afterwards of having done either. Still, scary.


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