Schizophrenia.com

I hate to talk

I like to type my thoughts though

You too?

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No I’m a talker but I’m just shy around a lot of people. But if you know me real well , I could talk a lot. Like with my therapist I talk a lot and my parents. But barely talk with strangers, I always feel they’re judging me unfairly, differently from everyone else.

I’m tired of typing. Though that’s what is available to me atm.

Same here. If it weren’t for my symptoms I could socialize like I used too but with the symptoms I’d rather just avoid it. Only prolongs the chaos.

@turningthepage there is way to much of that ■■■■ going. I’m tired of the social dynamics of this hierarchical crap that my friends won’t grow out of.

I feel I’m intelligent and have a lot to give to the table, but people judge me incorrectly because I look young and dumb…or something, when I’m not. So i kind of give up on talking with strangers. I wanted to be a writer because I could hide behind my discriminatory face and body and have people read me from an unbiased view, and I’m pretty good at it.

When I was in High School I assumed a fake identity on the Internet, and I was always the most popular person in the chat rooms I went into because of it…it just proves that you can have a lot going on upstairs but if you aren’t physically what people want to see, you get treated poorly. I think that was the onset of my psychosis…pretending to be someone I’m not…it was like me slipping into a fantasy world.

I love the Aerosmith song Dude Looks Like a Lady…I find Aerosmiths lyrics to be very enthralling…when he says “So never judge a book by its cover”…It’s a cliche term, but when you hear Steve Tyler belt it out in his song it’s very powerful.

I also like the quote “You gotta lose before you learn how to win”…Something I live by…Learning from my failures and not making the same mistake over and over.

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Yeah man… I don’t know what it is. I was never the alpha type, I don’t even have a consistently good personality. I’m just a body of knowledge that I spent years assembling. Makes me come off as a self righteous prick sometimes.

One day its compliments, the next day its insults. I’m good at winning arguments. I’m good at not looking like a fool.

I don’t know man. It might just be the illness, but it does seem like I get singled out when everyone else gets a free pass. They don’t even give me a break knowing that I have this illness.

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I used to think why the majority of people didn’t found interest in me in person… And why some people had found a friend in me. I couldn’t wrap around why I was funny to some and not to another, then I started to pretend I was talking to the people that found importance in me when in reality I was talking to other people. I guess if you are not talkative in large groups then you’re not worth a thing. People don’t notice you and ignore you and don’t take you seriously. I think that was the first confusion I remember.

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I can tell you’re a great dude with great intentions. I wouldn’t have guessed people treat you like that, but you don’t deserve it and I know I wouldn’t treat you like that. Me personally, I’m good at damage control with people…I find myself to be very intuitive and if I sense I’m going to be pushed around, I avoid the situation completely. I only stay with the people I trust the most to not treat me like ■■■■. I’ve learned to trust my intuition…that girl that I dated a couple months, even though I don’t regret breaking it off with her, I could trust her, and that’s what I kept her around a little bit. She was nice and had good intentions. That said she wasn’t the one for me, but it was a good learning experience. I know where not to look.

Good advice, Thanks. I said in the post ^ that I trust my intuition a lot. Sometimes it’s a good thing but other times it could be a bad thing I guess. Idk, I guess I’m happy for the time being, maybe one day I’ll take your advice and take more risks…treat people like they’re all my best friend. That’s an interesting approach. Thanks.

Yeah I’m just now starting to develop that sense. Unfortunately some of the people who I’d expect to be able to trust. My brother and cousin for instance, they’re just as bad as everyone else.

I’m not to worried about the social world any more. It’s more of a burden than anything else.

I’ve got a long time ahead of me. Hopefully in the next 4 years I’ll be able to start finding good people to hang out with. It’s kind of a temporary defeatist approach but I’m more concerned with what my life is going to be like when I’m 30 to 40. Until then I’m just going to relax and see what I can do about this illness.

Although a pleasant utopia this wasn’t advice. That thing can drive you crazy.