Hi. Rough day. My conscious mind was detached from the neuropsychiatric condition in my brain. Couldn’t feel my Ativan or even alcohol. I had a fake drunk- my mind can create anything. It’s scary. But I couldn’t feel how serotonin deficiency makes me feel. I want to abuse myself and let mean people hurt me. It was frustrating and stressful in the hospital. Not enough attention. I thought I was dehydrated and needed electrolyte and had infections. They were not as cooperative as I needed. I asked them to test my serotonin levels. They refused.
After much chaos and rigamarole, I got the nurses to bring me Kleenex and blankets and a bedpan. I had to take charge to ask for the things I need. I had them bring me a social worker and I talked about what I have been fighting against. They gave me Ativan in my IV. They wouldn’t treat all the bloody scars or give me food and water! My Mom is going to bitch that hospital out. They discharged me.
I’m going to try to find help for my serotonin deficiency somewhere else. The social worker said she’d look into it.
I’m going to see a physician and ask for help. I need it because the serotonin makes me feel like i care about myself, positive, not depressed, and not hurt myself anymore. I’m bulimic and anorexic. Serotonin will heal me. I won’t let go.
They rehydrated me gave me potassium to drink. I started to feel the Ativan. I always fantasized about having an Ativan shot! Got one.
I drove home. Picked Up my next shipment of serotonin for myself. I ate, gave myself decaf and water. Pumped myself full of tranquilizers and serotonin. I took a Norco for my pain. My mind is powerful. It won’t let me die. It will keep my heart beating! I missed my first day of school. Took the week off from work too. I need glasses, a new cell phone, have to make an arrangement with my serotonin supplier to make a special bulk order and lower the price because I’m a good customer. So overwhelmed!
I have to go to school tomorrow too. To learn chemistry and biochem to make my own serotonin. Serotonin is my friend. It’s giving me my life back.I love serotonin and sedation and calm.Wish me luck!