Hi everyone. I was doing pretty good at the start of May with a med up, niacin, GABA supplements, taurine, and glycine. Stable, AND enjoying life.
My psoriasis was out of control, it was unbearable. A coworker suggested I take slippery elm powder. I Googled it, it said that slippery elm may interfere with the absorption of medications. Here goes. I tried it, it did help my digestive problems, but not my psoriasis. I was on that for 3 weeks.
Then, I got extra hours at work. My anxiety was escalating, I was drained, my psoriasis was outrageous due to my anxiety. Then something went wrong and I couldn’t get but 3 hours of sleep. I just knew-I was going to go into mania. The mushroom cloud went off in my brain. I was upset about something, I had an emotional breakdown. And that caused the insomnia.
Severe mania for 2-3 days, then blew up into a frightening acid trip. I crossed the boundary and couldn’t feel the effects of my Ativan. Couldn’t feel the relief. Godawful. I fought like hell to not panic because that would trigger a traumatic hallucinatory spell. I had to tell my boss I had to leave yesterday. I can’t handle this anymore. My job is mentally and physically demanding. Lucky me, I have a respiratory infection- actually sick!
There was work to be done during my mania. Finished the work, today the mania is over. I wrote a long letter to my sister. I told her things that I needed to get out. All the pain from my past. I have been bulimic and anorexic for 23 years. All the hurt of self-hatred, social ineptitude, depression in childhood and adolescence, Again, I try to reconcile with myself and STOP THE HATE!
Also, I finally told someone about my suffering from chronic serotonin deficiency, The anxiety, depression, rage, overeating, compulsive picking and scratching, edginess, agitation, feeling drained. It all bloody sucks!
My doggone system just will not convert 5-HTP into serotonin. It did before. I don’t know what’s wrong! I was ashamed and angry with myself that I’d think about it, want it like one would alcohol or drugs. I had a very useful mania. My mind was a mess, but my perspective was crystal clear. A person suffers, they want something to relieve it. Why should that be shameful?
Much better today. In a few days, I have to wean myself off the Ativan, because I’m developing a tolerance. Sick of bloody voices, I want my peace. 2 more weeks without slippery elm, my Invega can get through and it will all be better.
