I guess I'm just looking to learn anything at all

( I’m not sure if anything in this post counts as triggering to certain people. )
A while ago my close friend pushed me to finally tell my therapist what I started going a year ago to talk about but never did because I felt like I couldn’t. And not only felt like I couldn’t- along side the fear of being looked at as crazy- I couldn’t because this forceful something else in my own head told me that I can’t tell the doctors about any of the things going wrong with me mentally. I kept switching from believing its a real entity to knowing its a “voice” in my head but still listening and arguing with it like a person. I don’t understand how my own mind works anymore. There was a time I thought I was starting to understand myself but lately that whole idea was ripped away from me. I feel like I’m going mad and the process is rapidly speeding up. I had always seen/heard/smelt/felt/ and been aware of things that aren’t actually there- probably since before puberty. (I’m currently 19. ) But I can’t fully remember. Whatever state it was in back then, I could handle just fine. I can’t anymore with how much more constant it’s all become in the past year. It slowly sped up and now that slow speed is a fast speed. And I sometimes can’t be sure at all of whats real or not. But I hang onto reality as best I can but I’m just afraid I won’t be able too soon and I’m extremely scared. I feel extremely paranoid and that entity that isn’t me in my mind only encourages delusional thinking and causes me to be thrown into panics.

When I did finally tell my therapist about this she said that Its all common symptoms of schizophrenia and that I’d go to talk about medication later this month with another doctor. The thing is in this month I’ve had multiple days where I’m absolutely sure I’m going to end my life. I know the numbers to call but in the end I couldn’t make myself call them and instead bothered friends with my issues until I could come back to thinking clearly.
This is obviously not something I want to do but I can’t seem to get my appointment any sooner than its set unless I completely lose control and end up being sent into the clinic/hospital.

But basically what I want is to know more about schizophrenia and if this is something I’m truly being diagnosed with since she gave no other explanation. And I don’t feel safe sitting around learning nothing until I can speak with doctors again. And I don’t feel right continuing to bother people who don’t deserve to be bothered by me.


If you have a broken leg the pain will guide you to a doctor.

If you have a broken brain yourself will do anything but seek help.

It’s all about loss of function. If your not functioning properly it’s important to seek help. Therapy can be good but if it is schizophrenia then early intervention with the appropriate medications leads to better outcomes.

Your on the path but you need to sort out what is going on. It isn’t normal and that should tell you something. Stop any street drug use and make an appointment with a psychiatrist.


Thank you for answering.
I am trying and I do have appointments. However I don’t have them soon enough.
And I do not use any street drugs.

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Be patient. It’s a long process but it’s something that needs to be done. It’ll sort itself out.

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I would still appreciate more input or information on it that might be helpful.

Hi there! I’ve dealt with psychosis on and off since I was very young (perhaps a child, since I remember some vague delusions of persecution from back then): delusions, auditory hallucinations, and some sporadic other events. What kind of stuff would you like to know about?

Hello thank you for offering. What I would generally like to know is how I’m able to be switching from being absolutely sure of something to knowing that I’m being unreasonable over and over within what I’ll say is an episode. If this happens to you at all, how do you comprehend it or what do you think about it. Or if you know if this is common or expected from schizophrenia. Because pre-schizophrenia being ‘suggested’ I had always thought that in order to be schizophrenic you would never come back from what you believe in a moment and whatever you know is true stays true to you no matter what until medicated.

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Oh, I go in and out of delusion a lot, personally. It depends on the delusion and how long it’s gripped me for. Certain delusions come back to me, others are a weird one time thing and then disappear. I’ve had some for months, some for only days, and some for a few hours. Sometimes the clarity just comes back to me randomly, sometimes it needs to be shaken into me. Most of what I deal with now is hallucinations, and thankfully they’re incoherent, so I don’t listen to them, but they won’t go away until I find the right medication, either.

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So . . . very likely what you thought about schizophrenia up 'til now was very limited compared to what you’ll find if you pursue things.

@ZombiePupper I see. Thank you for sharing that It really helps me to hear anything remotely solid on the topic since nothing was explained to me what so ever. I’ve just been rapidly losing touch with reality and not fully understanding any blogs or articles I read.

@Jayster Yes basically.
I had been called it countless times as an insult but never heard the word come from someone qualified to say it. And now that I have but still don’t know anything I’m even more confused than where I was when I confessed.

It can be scary to lose your grip on reality. Often enough, I question if sounds and tactile sensations I have are coming from real things or just my imagination. I still mis-see things out of the corner of my eyes and panic because I think it’s something entirely different from what it is. A lot of my problem with reality lies between the dream and waking realms. I often wake up confused because I thought I was in reality when I actually wasn’t.

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I’ve noticed that all of these symptoms are amplified if I’m stressed out,tired or generally not in a good state of mind. A lot of dormant panic waiting somewhere inside of me comes out in those situations. To the point where even the people I trust the most have a deep complex plot to kill me and or hurt me in one way or another.
But at the same time the symptoms prevent me from sleeping a lot of nights. So its against itself and I end up going days without eating or sleeping.

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Stress is one of my big triggers for symptoms (for pretty much all of my disorders). It’s pretty common for people to also develop symptoms when sleep quality is very poor or when other problems (like depression or anxiety) crop up. I have delusions of being abandoned often, even when people are sitting there telling me they’re not abandoning me.

@Ven. If you’ve been feeling suicidal, you should let your therapist know. Hopefully they can find a way to move your psychiatrist appointment to an earlier date.


I have schizophrenia. I have had it for greater than 50 years. I have had a good life.


What ZombiePuppet was talking about is something with which I resonate. Simply, when I’m losing contact with reality, anxiety makes the experience worse.

There’s a lot one can learn to lessen one’s anxiety. Some things that work for me include peeling an orange, listening to certain music tracts, and phoning one of my siblings. Talking with a therapist about personal strategies for lessening anxiety is legitimate use of therapy sessions.



I’m in a hard place here as shes away on vacation and I struggle telling new people face to face personal information.

Thank you that does make me feel better hearing that you consider your life good while having such diagnosis.

It’s not a death sentence! It’s good to try and learn some coping mechanisms to help you with anxiety and other symptoms!!

I’m rooting for you!!


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