I’m a person who is very interested in the natural sciences, particularly that of cognitive neuroscience. I think a lot about consciousness and the idea of the self in nature and how that relates to our neurons and other physical systems.
Anyways, my t and I talk a lot about it in session and occasionally she will slip in things like “does that ever make you wonder if schizophrenia is real?” And I never fücking expect it. Or she’ll say something like “well does that mean that mental illness is not real?” And I have absolutely no idea what she is trying to get at.
Usually I can tell exactly what her intentions are. If she’s trying to pull me out of a potentially dangerous conversation or when she’s poking at something I don’t really want to talk about, but really should be. With those questions I can never tell. Does she think I’m not mentally ill? Am I not mentally ill?
I have a feeling she’s trying to gauge how in touch or out of touch with “reality” I am, but I just have no idea. Those questions- or not even the questions themselves, but rather the intentions of those questions- linger with me for soooo long. To the point where I begin to become paranoid about it.
Sometimes I think maybe she’s trying to trick me into thinking that I’m not ill so I’ll be overly confident and she can do something behind my back. Or that I was never ill in the first place and while I was in the hospital they pumped me full of drugs that made me susceptible to suggestion or something and she’s part of it. That makes me afraid to see her. I know it’s not true but I can’t stop thinking it. I’m trying to be logical about this.
It makes me feel like I’m losing my ability to read/connect to others. I don’t know. I’m rambling now. Anyways, anyone have advice for this??? What should I do?
TLDR: Therapist occasionally asks if schizophrenia is real or if I think I have it. It throws me off bad. What do I do?