It’s easy to be steamrolled and overlooked in public. It’s too easy to forget you’re a damn human being when everybody just treats you like you are in the way. I have some plans to carry out, but in the rush, I forget to stop and remind myself, yes, I amr eal. Yes, I have feelings. ( I know nobody cares about this last part, especially friends.
My plans are to be damn equal in certain ways to everybody else on this planet. I said SOME ways. There seems to be (correct me if I’m wrong) a common denominator among most people. It’s hard to explain myself but the closest I can get is to say in high school, we all saw the shy, normal classmate, not too confident, who comes back to school after a 3 month summer break and the lucky guy just exudes new found confidence.
Before break he was some average Joe who didn’t stand out in the least from the crowd but somehow he discovered something about himself that gave him confidence and raises him to a level above a lot of other guy/girls. Stuff like drugs (I’m not endorsing or glorifying, just stating how it was) or maybe he discovered that women liked him, or maybe he/she lost their virginity or discovered they are not afraid to fight or maybe they got accepted into a popular, cool crowd. We all saw these guys. And we were either jealous or wondrous or curious about what he discovered but usually we didn’t know. Now 5, 10, 20 years later we KNOW what he discovered and most people want to be on that common denominator level as those high school kids. I’ve seen it.
I saw my sister who I would trust with my life. I saw her use me and my sister to get to that level and knowledge. I saw the nicest woman at work use her “niceness” for months to reach that level. I see the teens in KFC at lunch sacrifice their dignity and pride to get to that level. And so on and so on.
And I will achieve it too, if I haven’t already. Hell, that was the longest digression in 6 months for me, lol.
But anyways, yeah, I had to stop today and give myself a reality check. I’m not the loser I was in high school even though people I know want to treat me that way… I have 40 years of experience of living after the days my friends picked on me. I’ve survived a lot now. I’ve survived physical and mental hardships, I’ve crashed and burned and lost my little confidence I have, but by the next day I have it back and I am stronger for the test. But I’m just a guy trying to make it in this world without hurting anyone. I told my sister, “I was a mean guy while I was growing up, wasn’t I”. She replied "no’ you were a nice kid. Once again my sisters come through. My roommate laughed at me for saying my goal is to be a nice person. I don’t care. That’s how I feel.