I am not even sure that its sz what I have… I am so unhappy since kid that my brain was dying for all this time… I find you very intelligent all of you. You have imagination etc etc. Me, I am just lost in some stupid thoughts. I was mean in my illness, but the fault is not mine too, I had my suffering… Its hard for me to always fight my dumbness. Even my ill friends don’t think that I am schizophrenic like them. I never had hallucinations or such delusions in which to believe. So its strange… My mom sometimes thinks I am autistic… Idk… do you know just ‘‘numb’’ sz like this? I even don’t know which music I like or which food or which guy wow… I was just going down for the past years… I was afraid to literally think for years, but i’ll try to change this now 
. But yes, I find my illness strange. Most of my docs know this I think…
Don’t you find it strange you too? wow
So my confession of today is that I went dumb for years… Idk if theres a sz like this? I guess soon i’ll accept the things, but its hard to be where I am now… pff, I am just a dummie 
Were you diagnosed with schizophrenia simplex?
My ex doc went through almost all possible sz, yes… I was diagnosed as simple sz in the past. But after that, my doc said paranoid sz… But they could lie me too you know…
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re a beautiful person. Labels are just for the insurance companies to justify services. It doesn’t matter if you’re sz. Just be honest with your pdoc and take your meds. 
Anna1, you are amazing! You are not dumb!
Did I made mistake of taking 10 antipsychotics in the time of 8 years? Gosh, I am the ugliest girl here cause I am the dummiest… I watch now in fact a documentary on one asylum in france and its sad… Idk if ill do it after 15 years of despair… The others just knew how to look for the happiness, me I didn’t… its easy for some. some get many likes for example spiderpig… I have this illness since kid and my parents suck to not have known the signs. yeah… my father, occupied to beat my mom, probably he was ill… and now all my dreams are stolen… My last man ran away from me, screw him… But I guess, I was a monster for him. He knows very well what is the mi.
I don’t want to be mean with somebody now, but I am really afraid that ill never get my life back, people… its been 17 years behind me of nothing… I was almost bedridden for all this time. Even selene doesn’t seem to believe it 
…
Hi anna1 …!!! Why do u think so much…!!! We will get better soon…!!! I am waiting too…!!!
hi far… I am alone, idk, I guess its natural… It wasn’t you who spent 17 years on a bed…I didn’t think before. Before I was just going high and sleeping wow. its time to think a bit maybe no? … but whatever. I am afraid for my future, I want some life and some stability at least…
My main diagnosis is social phobia, but I have symptoms of schizophrenia and bipolar.
I have not been out socially in the last 10 years, I spend most of my time alone.
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