I was treated after my first psychosis and finally got a real sense of reality again. Only it seems that certain symptoms do not disappear. It is very frustrating. So bad that I think of suicide.
I do not know if I can still live with this terrible disease. I find it so bad that I am struck by this. It makes me completely broken.
I try to think positively and look forward. Do the right things. But it is simply annoying to be constantly confronted with psychosis. I just do not know how to live with this.
I can no longer live the life that I ever did. My functioning has deteriorated severely. I continue to keep symptoms whatever I do. That makes me despondent.
I prefer to crawl under a stone and never get away from it. I’m just done with it.
It took me a long time to find the right meds, many many years. And even after finding the right meds it took me just as long to find the right dose. I’m still working on that, actually.
But things get better. It’s a slow, bumpy, rough, road, but keep going forward.
If several antipsychotics have NOT worked, try asking about clozapine. 600mg clozapine works better for me than ANYTHING before (600mg is typically the max dose)
Add in 300mg extended release litihium (my doctor has me at 600mg ER, says that for modern psychiatry that’s the maximum)
You know it’s possible to recover from schizophrenia with the right dosage and the right support. It’s really rare but it’s my personal motivation.
[Here some links (all in french sorry but I couldn’t find in english; if you got some trouble translating, I can help]
-this link is from a well-known psychology magazine in France
-this is an extract from a tv show presented by doctors also well known
I understand that some people are recovering from psychosis / schizophrenia. But unfortunately that money is not for me. My feeling is not good. I continue to suffer from symptoms. I know that I have to learn to live with it. But it is difficult because I once functioned normally. And everything is broken now. I have to live with 40% of what is left of me.
Surely you can benefit from free help. I’m sure there are some way, some allowance where you live, some family members or friends who could help out…Just don’t give up !
I’m french so i can’t not to love France or french… Just said that I love the USA. My sister lives in DC now so I went there to visit not so long ago. And it was amazing (food (of course ) and the people).
I think a lot of us can identify with that “wanting to crawl under a stone” feeling. That was what I did for about six years, figuratively speaking. I lived in a single room over run with cock roaches, and I laid in bed about 12 - 20 hours a day. The first thing I did when I woke up in the morning was drink a whole pot of coffee and take 40 mini thins - i.e. ephedrine. It didn’t speed me up. Now I’m living in an assisted living center for the mentally ill, and I feel better, even if I am not any more functional. These problems can have a way of working themselves out. Maybe you can get on a good med. and go to a group home. It beats wasting away on your own.
