I find it frustrating that I don't remember 80% of my last epsiode

All I remember is trying to run away to America on a local train without my coat and phone, bear in mind i live in England. Then my brother took me to hospital. I remember shouting and screaming and trying to get out… but I had no sense of time … It all felt like a dream and I wonder if this actually happened. The pdoc thought this was weird I couldn’t remember.

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From my first episode I have vivid memories of a trip to Spain, except one day which is totally blank. God knows what I might’ve done during those 24 hours, luckily it hasn’t come back to bite me.

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So it’s pretty common to have a blackout? My first episode was more vivid than this one.

I don’t know how common it is.
In later episodes my perception of time was off, and I got dates mixed up on several occasions, but no blackouts.

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Memory-related effects from bipolar disorder have been termed as a “brain fog” or a “bipolar blackout” where the person remains conscious but they’re unable to recall the memories during their high and low periods due to the rapid volatility of their mood swings.

Hmmm I wonder if this could be why. I mean, the antidepressants could be a reason.

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I’m a blackout drinker. A lot of my late teens and early twenties are blank spots in my memory. Be happy with 80%.

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I feel the same way. I’m slowly starting to receive info on psychotic episodes I have absolutely no memory of, but don’t doubt really happened.
It’s frightening

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It is common to not remember most of what occured while being in a state of extreme fear.

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Unfortanately i remember most of my episodes. Even got a bit of ptsd from the first one.

So maybe not remembering it is better.

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I have to recalibrate with asking my staff if they’ve ever seem me unwell which I strongly believe I’ve never been unwell and they ALL stay they’ve seen me psychotic with extreme mood swings. I still think I haven’t got anything mentally wrong with me.

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I remember most of what happened during my psychosis. It feels like a bad dream. I dont remember things i said. But i remember all of what i did. It haunts me.

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My community nurse wrote in a community treatment order letter to the tribunal I have limited insight into my illness.

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Outsiders often have better critiques of us than ourselves. Its a proven psychological fact. People cant self criticize.

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That’s why people talk to me like I’m special needs in the community as I must portray this way to people outside services. I’m dead paranoid about that!

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It’s scary… Makes me scared of myself more than anything.

I also get get blackouts on mania where I do stuff i don’t remember.

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Someone told me I said something about abusing crack and I don’t remember any of that. I also doubt I ever used crack.

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when I wrote a book about my delusional journey it was fresh in my mind immediately after a seven month stint in psychosis…can’t hardly remember anything now because I ignore it when I think about it for my mental health.

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