I feel like I get this mocking voice at the back of my mind that says “you think it’s all over now? That you can just have a perfect life from now on? Be a normal happy girl?” A laughing mocking voice.
Life has just been so wonderful. And I’ve been so stable. I’m anxious. I’ve been having disturbing nightmares. It’s like I’m living a different life from the one I was before and trying to pretend like the other one never happened. Did anyone else who reached stability feel this way at first?
Yes, I feel good for the first time in a while, my symptoms are extremely mild. But I keep thinking that it won’t last, that something will happen and I’ll start having psychosis again. I keep seeing things out of the corner of my eyes, which makes me worry that I’ll go psychotic again with more external hallucinations than last time. I know that seeing things like this doesn’t mean anything, but I’m still worried. The best thing I can do is take my mind off it, watch TV with my mom or YouTube videos by myself. I think that for us it’s best to try and stay distracted.
Yes I’m exactly like that. I may go a week just fine but in the back of my mind I’m like when are the voices going to start again and they usually do soon after
You don’t ever experience benevolent hallucinations?
If my voices were all bad I think I’d lose my marbles. Nobody deserves that treatment. As for your question I’m stable until I lose my cool with the mean voice. I do feel like I need an attitude change to better handle this illness, seeing as how my attitude is the one part of all this I have control over. Not sure what that would mean though.
I really hope you find some happiness, I read your posts and I wish I could do something about your voices, they seem to be really rough in your case. I get dreams too, but they are all lucid now so I realize I’m in a dream then I either wake myself up or have fun with levitation or telekinesis. Or, if the dream includes my deceased cat, I spend as much time with her as I can before inevitably waking.
I hate to see that they’re back. Mine had gone away for a few hours Christmas night then I heard some muffled voices. I said to myself, “the voices are back,” and my mocking voice said, " and we’re going to kill you." I know it’s no fun. We’re here for you and each other.
I think it is pretty natural to feel that way after what you have been though. At least your doing well. I have been ok at the moment too, wanting to go for a residual sz diagnosis at some point I think my delusions are getting under control.
I also have fun flying/levitating in my dreams. It’s the best feeling ever. Except when you’re being chased.
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