I can’t even clean the bathrooms, I need a maid to do it. Why am I so lazy? Things just get too much - ordinary things which are easy for others. Even doing dishes is frustrating. Why is housework so hard? Imagine even getting a job - how difficult will that be? I have less than 5 dollars in my savings account and my mom tells me to save up my money. I don’t even have an income.
I just feel so useless. So. Useless. 
It’s a pretty ruthless disease. Most of us are lucky to be alive.
Negative symptoms are destroying me too.
For me I know it is a symptom and don’t let it affect my self esteem and beating myself up for not meeting a goal.
If today or for the next month you can’t get yourself to clean the bathroom.
Just take the trash out the next time you go. Wash one dish and utensil for food instead of getting a new clean bowl. Just something to reduce the mess. If you don’t have a case worker keeping you accountable. Use the forum. And maybe it can help you become functional.
I’m sorry you are taking it out on yourself.
I understand where you’re coming from. I feel bad in some way having to take handouts. I’m working on trying to make a positive impact of people even if it’s just a small thing. It will add up over my life I believe. Have you read the book called atomic habits. I’ve just started it. One thing he talks about is just doing something for 1 minute then more motivation to do that task will come with time. Take care.
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