big fat, lazy, worthless piece of sh*t. I don’t know what even happened. It’s just hitting me now. I’m worthless. I’m just using my illness as an excuse to be lazy. I’m not trying hard enough. I’m a piece of crap. Do you feel this way?
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Don’t say that, care to share what really happened today? We are here to listen, so don’t hesitate to tell us your thought. As I always say, its just bad day, not a bad life.
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You are far from worthless. You were one of the first people on here when I finally started posting that made me feel welcomed, if I recall.
Hang in there, leaf. Sending positive thoughts your way!
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We love you leaf! Keep fighting the good fight.
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i love to tell you this, but you’re wrong. you are a great human being.
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It crosses my mind sometimes. But then I cheer myself up by reminding myself, “You may be worthless and a piece of sh*t but you aren’t that big.”
But seriously, yes, I get really down on myself. Today sucked, it really started off bad. Lots of potential “changes” in my life just waiting to strike and ruin my life. Depressing. And tomorrow I go to the cancer clinic to see if some new tiny bumps on my head are cancerous.
This morning I freaked out big time. I was supposed to work today but I called in sick because I got 4 hours of sleep last night and I’m 57 years old and tired and I came pretty darn close to breaking down from stress and lack of sleep. But screw that. I got up and the roommate was gone and had the house to myself so I fixed myself a plate of pancakes and a bowl of cut-up honeydew melon and a bowl of sliced pineapple with yogurt over it.
I swept and mopped the kitchen floor, rearranged the food in the refrigerator, made myself a strawberry smoothie and just relaxed as best I could. I largely forgot all about this morning. These are how my days go. The roommate came home and I figured I’d get out of the house because I know it’s irritating to have someone home too much. I get out almost every day because I work and run errands and I like to take walks in the park or go out to eat, but sometimes that ain’t enough.
So I had to take care of something important at the bank so I drove there and talking to a really nice young lady who solved my problem for me. Goodwill was next store and I went in there just to browse but I ended up buying a couple of used CD’s for my car. These are the days of my lives.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to focus on me. But yeah, I understand most of what you go through of course. I’m not immune to disliking myself so I understand your problems. I can tell you the cliches: #1 Keep busy to take your mind away from your problems. Your same problems are a reality for most of us too from time to time but the thoughts don’t have to last all day. Fix yourself a great meal, go for a walk, sip some coffee on the front or back porch. Organize your kitchen or look trough a photo album. Anything for some relief.
I’ve gone through years where I literally did not have a relief from excruciating, maddening symptoms even for a minute. Years. But it passes. I’ve been out of work before too, I couldn’t work for almost three years. But now I work. I’ve been blessed with motivation but it doesn’t mean my life is easy. I didn’t really like unloading trucks for four years. So I may be working but life is still hard.
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You are not worthless!! Yes, I feel like this sometimes. It comes and goes but it’s not true.
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Feelings are not facts. I can have someone sit in my kitchen with me and say, “I don’t feel welcome here,” when I know he’s perfectly welcome.
Feelings are not right or wrong, they simply are. On a good day, feelings are my friend because they give me information I need to make my daily decisions.
But I can tyrannize myself! I really can.
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I love you. I love you. I love you.
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I love you, and thank you! I needed to hear that really a lot.
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Hi there. How rapid are these cycles of low moods / thoughts? I’m just getting to know you. Sza must really suck. Is it a little like bipolar?
One of my own low thoughts used to be that I ought to be dead with my parents. I could NOT find a reason why I should be left behind. That was a year after my mother passed. It was grief, and only time could heal that wound… but it did, after untold years and an ocean of beer.
I wish sza were transitory like grief. Hang in there.
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That’s right I am cycling, thank you for pointing that out. I’ll get through this. Right now I feel like sh*t. It’s going to pass. I’m just so sick of everything being so hard. I just want things to be easy. I’m tired of fighting for every little thing. Yesterday I was feeling suicidal and agitated. Clear signs of a mixed state coming on, hopefully I can level off before it sets in. Maybe my meds change is effecting me more than I thought it was.
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And I’m sorry about your parents.
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Me too. Thanks. It was a long time ago, tho. Not as much sting now.
Light at the end of the tunnel, my friend.
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I dont care who i am. I guess im a cold hearted bitch but it doesnt matter.
I dont hate anyone and i dont love anyone. I think it doesnt matter…in the end all.that matters is logic.
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@tera you da man!! In a woman’s body and mind 
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yes i understand the feeling… all i do is eat and stare at the computer…
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my sister called me lazy the other day…she hasnt a clue about schizophrenia…sz is bloody hard work
btw, id love to be a normie and have a job
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@Leaf I was very aware of what a waste of space I was a couple weeks ago. I hated absolutely everything about myself. Turns out, I was just reacting badly to my lower dose. I went back up and now I feel fine again.
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You aren’t useless. You are a very kind, empathetic person. I do feel a lot of that sometimes. Except I do for the most part understand it’s my illness that has been limiting me. I often still don’t feel good about it.
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