I feel much better after the snap

Sometimes things have to get dark before you can see the light.

Coming clean…
All the post I’ve been putting up about self-harm, have been about my kid sis who has been “artistically” carving into herself for over two weeks now. I’ve been having a hard time with the head circus and the stress of the family drama has been amping up the paranoia and racing thoughts and the personal earthquakes. The kid sis was almost suggesting she move out so I’d feel better. That will NOT make me feel better.

The CBT for anorexia and the family stress has been hard on her too. The carving in has been cause and effect. My youngest brother cusses the kid sis out at work and does other stuff that makes her work life a living hell, she comes home and carves into her skin. “artistically” (yin/yang symbols, waves, Om’s.)

This last catalyst was it. The youngest bro just lost it on her in front of her guard team and just made an ass of himself. I was not having a good day. Cue the circus music because here comes the arson clowns. I’ve been upping my meds and sitting under water more.

But my youngest brothers snap… caused a second snap. She finally saw the light. He went over the top and she snapped too.

Yesterday she ate something other then 4 tablespoons of baby food. She actually ate and kept it down, and only ran for one hour after and not 3 hours. She confessed about the carving into the skin to the parents… and told them, no more coming to the family dinners if the youngest bro is going to be there. She’s transferring to a different pool in the city to work.

She woke ME up at 1:00 a.m and opened up finally. It was a hard night of confession, but I think it’s going to come to an end. Well, it’s all just beginning… but it’s the beginning of the end. I’m really looking forward to a positive change. Less stress… less head circus. :relieved:

She’s been trying to fake it till you make it as far as the good mood, and I think I’m falling into that habit as well. If I’ve been a little out of it, or seems really off topic I do apologize.


J, you and kid sis please hang in there. You said it - every thing comes to an end, even bad things come to an end, then comes the good again. I guess life is one big circle or wheel, thats how I see it, stay strong

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Wave, Thank you for that a lot.

It will get better now. Less stress on her, less stress on me… Less chance of relapse…

I see life as one big circle as well. The pendulum is always in motion… or at least it should be. This has sort of taught me at least be patient with people. You never know with people, even when you think you know them well.

She’s a strong kid and she’ll beat this. She is a fighter, she’s stronger then all us brothers put together. The angry ocean doesn’t beat a lighthouse. She’s decided she’s going to be that lighthouse. I just hope she can keep it up.

Family ties can get sneaky.

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Sounds like hard times. I remind myself that the hardest of times have passed, that is how I keep my head from exploding when I am stressed. I also make a point to avoid stress, but sometimes ■■■■ just happens. Just remember that you yourself are doing better than ever and that you have been there, done that- I like to remind myself of how my life was a waking nightmare which I made sense out of before I gained insight and tried medication. It makes me realize that there is no such thing as a bad day when I count the year of psychosis that I somehow highly functioned in.

You have been to hell, you know that your life is challenging, but you also know that you are no spring chicken when it comes to “problems”. Living in your world is harder than anyone else’s problems, James. I mean that. Just do your best to help others but dont sacrifice your mental health, you have come too far.

You are very empathetic, which is good, but there most definitely is a limit as to how much you can help people. Your family situation is challenging, but don’t bear the burden yourself- you have your own challenges which are harder, I want to reinforce that into your head. I am not saying that you shouldn’t be concerned or do your best to help, but don’t bear the weight of the world on your shoulders. No one can do that without hurting themselves.

I do think your sis will beat her problems- I have had anorexia and I recovered, I also used to burn myself with cigarettes, and I quit doing that. I was frustrated with life and found self-harm through excessive exercise to be a pain that made sense, and more direct self-harm (burning myself) gave me something to distract me from the mental anguish, it was pain that made sense. I think people who harm themselves in any sort of physical way (I used to do this so I think my theory has some truth to it) are trying to understand pain because they live in constant mental anguish and agony, and want to feel a different kind of pain…or at least that is what I did.

But therapy is extremely helpful for people with her problems- I strongly recommend therapy in addition to a will to change. Therapy without compliance is a waste of time and money, one needs to be willing to change and ready to change before they seek therapy for self-harm or eating disorders. I kind of categorize eating disorders and self harm together, I have had both and they seemed to stem from the same psychological issues.

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Thank you for back up. I am trying to remember, part of the J preservation unit is self-preservation as well. I’ll keep that closer in mind.

The kid sis is willing. She’s a lot more like our Mom then she will ever admit. Fast acting. (most lifeguards are fast to action… I would hate to meet a slow one)

She’s currently in CBT and therapy for this. The cutting is new. But as soon as she figured it out… “hey, my brother (who is my boss) treats me like dirt at work and then I come home and do this…” she got the plan to get out of that pool an move to a new one. She starts next week. Fast acting…

It’s easier for me to help her because she doesn’t drag the drama on. She’s having a hard time; yes… but she’s not a fan of drama. In a selfish way I sort of see it as care and feeding of a caretaker. She’s the head of my crisis team. So I sort of need her around… :wink:

My little brother however… his love for drama and his love of wallowing could take a while… and I too have to distance myself if it gets much thicker.


that’s good to hear. She’s a tough kid, but tough kids often know they’re tough and don’t seek help right away…sounds like she knows her limits and realizes that she needs to get her problems treated by a professional.

I didnt trust the doctors until the guy who evaluated me asked me what I was hearing, I replied that people were outside the door listening and laughing at me, and he said “No, that’s you.”. When he had my report printed out and my MMPI-2 results printed out, he calmly looked me in the eye and said “You’re very crazy.” before going over the results in detail.

I was just one stubborn psychotic motherphucker and needed firm handling. Glad to hear that your sis doesnt have that Irish stubbornness that I have. Arguments are seldom in my life, but I am quite bullheaded and fiery when I do argue once in a blue moon.

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