Sometimes things have to get dark before you can see the light.
All the post I’ve been putting up about self-harm, have been about my kid sis who has been “artistically” carving into herself for over two weeks now. I’ve been having a hard time with the head circus and the stress of the family drama has been amping up the paranoia and racing thoughts and the personal earthquakes. The kid sis was almost suggesting she move out so I’d feel better. That will NOT make me feel better.
The CBT for anorexia and the family stress has been hard on her too. The carving in has been cause and effect. My youngest brother cusses the kid sis out at work and does other stuff that makes her work life a living hell, she comes home and carves into her skin. “artistically” (yin/yang symbols, waves, Om’s.)
This last catalyst was it. The youngest bro just lost it on her in front of her guard team and just made an ass of himself. I was not having a good day. Cue the circus music because here comes the arson clowns. I’ve been upping my meds and sitting under water more.
But my youngest brothers snap… caused a second snap. She finally saw the light. He went over the top and she snapped too.
Yesterday she ate something other then 4 tablespoons of baby food. She actually ate and kept it down, and only ran for one hour after and not 3 hours. She confessed about the carving into the skin to the parents… and told them, no more coming to the family dinners if the youngest bro is going to be there. She’s transferring to a different pool in the city to work.
She woke ME up at 1:00 a.m and opened up finally. It was a hard night of confession, but I think it’s going to come to an end. Well, it’s all just beginning… but it’s the beginning of the end. I’m really looking forward to a positive change. Less stress… less head circus.
She’s been trying to fake it till you make it as far as the good mood, and I think I’m falling into that habit as well. If I’ve been a little out of it, or seems really off topic I do apologize.