Feel quite low
My job is getting to me
Not rested enough
Failing to see the point in what I am doing
Trapped in a financial cycle each month
Having suicidal ideation
It looks rosey
Like hitting skip on the cd player to see whether the next song is better
Or is it like pulling out the power cord
Woa.
Do you need a break from work?
Why aren’t you rested enough?
You can’t top yourself as nobody will look after your dog Mason.
Also feeling this. Sending good vibes your way.
Just feel like it can only be ignored by pressing on for a finite amount of time
I don’t have many vacation days
If I go sick I would never know if going back is healthy
@everhopeful my parents would take care of him. They would give him a good life
Sorry you are similar in your thoughts @shutterbug
Might just have to see how these X-rays this week are and whether I need another type of scan
My mobility has gotten much worse
Actual physical mobility or your ability to get out and do things?
Walking around can get quite painful
It’s pretty much everything from the spine down
The problem is if I over do it I certainly pay for it for days after
This has been reported to GP over two years ago. I escalated it recently as it has gotten worse in that time
Physio sent me back to GP after being on a list for ages
Now she is having my knees and lumbar xrayed and if that shows nothing she mentioned about an MRI or CT scan
First thing she did was offer me pain killers
I said no, medication should be after diagnosis
The ability to go out and do things is not on the table unless it’s a routine thing I have done every week for years at this point. There is no room for anything else
That’s a good point.
I was hooked on benzos for a long time and the withdrawals were harsh
Not letting that happen again
i had x rays done the other day, also have to go for an MRI soon. wishing you good health man. hang in there. The good season is here 
things economically and emotionally tend to get better around now. Only advice would be to do some self care like:
these things always make me feel better 
Mason would miss you a lot if something happened to you. I hope you choose to stick around man.
It’s just a off period. Things could get better. Wait it out and see what the doctors are able to find out and how they propose to help you. Just hang in there.
In the meantime, What about gabapentin? It’s main use is for nerve pain, and it’s a lot less addictive than benzos. It shouldn’t be too hard to taper off that one later.
Maybe you need to step back from work for a while if it’s eating you up. Or at least get a partial sick leave. It doesen’t have to be all or nothing.
Sometimes the world seems to crumble, but usually things get better again with time. I can understand that giving up work is a major setback, been there myself. Now I only work part time as that’s all I can handle with my health.
I hope you will be ok.
I don’t understand …are you suicidal? I do hope not. please don’t hurt yourself.
They offered me Pregabalin and gaba penten
There was some other drug that began with t but can’t remember what that was
I will try and keep going
Not sure it’s the right time to take sick as my boss is off
Just feels like the pressure is ramping up beyond what I can recover at the weekend
It’s taking its toll unfortunately
It’s only ideation
I listen to some dark music sometimes and I ended up fantasising about it to release pressure
Thank you for the suggestions
@TheCanuk I am ok now just got into a dark set of thoughts today
Hang in there @Joker!
I have issues with my hip but it’s my own fault for not doing physio.
I do feel pain though and it sucks.
I hope what you are going through is temporary.
np bro! you got this