They were supportive, but my manager is talking to her bosses to decide what to do next
I told them I was going to resign, but I can’t remember what she said and it was only 30 mins ago 
Well that’s it. Hospital tests today for my heart, then hopefully new med by the end of this week
I feel awful and stressed and unhappy.
Anymore hugs or advice going @shutterbug ???
I hope things work out for you. Make the best of your time off.
Sending hugs your way @Joker! Hope things go well for you with your tests.
You are not going to agree with me fella - but i reckon you should have stayed on the sick and then you would have the security of all your benefits in place. I was frankly surprised when you said you went back to work.
Now your back at square one. Sorry mate - but i think you made a rather large cock up.
Phone your CMHT and say whatever you gotta say to get them back on board if you havent already.
Yep I messed up big time
Problem is now they say it’s psychosis and not anxiety so meds all being changed again!
I am complying with CMHT now
It’s true, if I had stayed on sick leave, there would have been a guarantee of benefits. My workmate did the same.
Now I’m worried. I’m also looking for jobs. Maybe I have to be more prudent.
Good to hear it. I applaud you for wanting to work mate, blimey you done more than i have in 30 years! But i dont think your ready yet mate x
I am not sure whether to resign and just take some time off until things settle down again.
Probably going to take a while
All I will say is you don’t know until you try
Your choice mate. If you was me - i would start filling in the forms for your benefits asap - take a year off and chill and get stable again.
Here you can go on sick leave and remain employed. You’re that way also protected against getting fired. You then get a % of your salary as benefit.
It’s £90 per week here and they tax you on it as well!
Think I may have to do this. As @Charles_Foster dictated for my tagline… 
Dont be so hard on yourself. Just take a step back and gather your thoughts for a few months.
You will be fine - cos your a stubborn old git and a fighter 
x
I think honesty is the best policy - makes looking in the mirror easier. My worry is that you catastrophize when you’re idle. How often have you been good during the week while you’re busy, but posting about blowing things up when the weekend arrives? We’re shifted from you by some hours here in Canada, but I can always tell when the weekend has started in the U.K. because you’re having a bad time. Hoping you can walk the new pupper a lot or find something to occupy yourself. This would be a really good time for a new and inexpensive hobby.
Not trying to be critical here, I just worry about you a lot. You’re on the very small list of people I’d like to (((hug))) IRL.
I think you should try to see if you can keep your job but go on leave for a while. I know you quit but can you contact them and ask to keep your job? Good luck
Thanks for your comments @shutterbug I am going to try and occupy myself with other things, but it won’t be easy… The weekends have meshed into the weekdays now, and I have just evened out the pain across the week
When I tried to work last week, it was absolute hell. The socialising with people has been very difficult for me to tolerate and I was getting really upset and stressed to the point of being close to totally losing my mind.
The puppy is doing great at the moment, and I have enjoyed taking him out for nice long walks on the beach. We’ll be trying the countryside soon!
Agree to finding a new hobby…
I might try my creative writing again, and I have some ideas about a new business I could start, but I need to get right first.
This from my experience can take a lot of time, so I feel I need some breathing space to achieve this properly.
Every time I try and go back to work it never ends well, and the time between lapses has become much shorter in the past couple of years.
My thinking is if I can get my head sorted, things should be unstoppable.
This isn’t me signing off work for good - just an extended break to re-group and start over with some hope, which I am seriously lacking right now.
Appreciate you worrying and the offer of a IRL hug!
Lacking in that area so I am also going to try and get more sociable with the right people to get back into the swing.
All hope is not lost, just need to try and work through this
Covid has messed up a lot of things, and my treatment I didn’t think was an issue as we all thought it was anxiety we were dealing with, but turns out not that way after the F2F appointment I had Friday…
The problem I have is the time I need is unknown, and I don’t want to string them along for much longer without the support function I was providing…
Finances are also an issue at play here, but I have been referred to a financial advisor who’ll help me decide the best route forward so I don’t burn through my savings.
Maybe just take the year off if you can. Use that time to work on your mental health and also to upgrade your skills in data science so that you can freelance or something.
Hope you will get back on your feet soon.