it feels that way, like I have become nasty inside and outside to people who don’t always deserve it from me, and I don’t mean to be that way to anyone, or to judge if they deserve it… it’s just the way it is, bitter me has come to the surface for better or worse, and I think it is for worse.
judy
Hi judy - take a real close look at yourself - you may feel this way now, but remind yourself that you are not even close to being nasty. I feel this way sometimes, but then I realize its my mind playing tricks on me - just because we have an illness that sometimes makes us feel negative, keep reminding yourself that you are a good and worthy person. I really do wish you well, tomorrow you may feel great 
I hope you don’t mind me saying so, but I hope you’re not letting some guilt crop up. There are times when I’m irritated and tired of everyone around. I get a bit snippy. But then I feel very guilty for being snippy and then I feel like a horrid person.
We all have impatient days. Don’t hard on yourself for having an off day and getting a little tired of the people around. It happens to all of us at times. Your just being human.
this is why flower shops exist so i can say ’ sorry '.
i could have bought a couple of florists, the amount of times i have said ’ sorry ’ to mrs.sith.
take care
Stay true to yourself Judy, don’t let other people define you.You need to have people validate that you are a good person, like in this thread. I go through the same stuff you do. On my own I feel like a bad guy without even being conscious or aware of it. But my new therapist and my psychiatrist and my family tell me I’m a good person. I need to hear that and they are the people that count. Not some twenty year old on drugs or bitter old men who’s goal is to spread misery. Don’t let that good person inside you shrivel up and die.You (and I) will be happier knowing we’re decent people who deserve respect. My impression of you is that you are a nice person who has struggled…
your not just scared me too hugsx
My counselor David said, “It is axiomatic that schizophrenics have self esteem issues.”
But I broke my back in January, and while the back healed, I’m continuing to be pretty cranky. Oh well.
Jayster
Hey, Jayster. I haven’t seen you much. Hope you’re doing good besides being in a “cranky mood”.
Nice Hello, Nick! Thank you!
Jayster
thanks, judy. your supportive words are encouraging and helpful. I hope I can be equally supportive to you when you may need or want it.
I edited this with a period so you might be able better to understand me. thanks.
i used to be very bitter before I got on meds and entered remission. I couldnt help it. All I knew was pain and I had nothing to contribute except a blank stare.
mortimermouse, i don’t blame you for having been bitter.
are you happy now? do you sometimes feel joy inside?
judy
Yes, when I am with friends and family or the camaraderie of my powerlifting team I feel something other than just pain. It’s still painful to be around sometimes, life with schizophrenia is never perfectly normal and never will be, but I am not in constant agony like I used to be.
But some days I just want to go back to sleep. Other days, like yesterday were pretty good, I had a great training session and then spent time with my cousin and talked to a friend on the phone. Today Ive just talked to a friend so far, I am feeling kinda spent but I just drank a super strong coffee.
I am very highly functioning but it doesnt mean I dont feel pain. I am taking this summer off, at least until July, I need time to recharge and recover from making all A’s this past year.
wow! sounds like you’re handling stresses and making the A’s.
I am at where you are at in certain respects, but still, I cannot handle going back to school.
wish I could.
judy
Some times I am nasty - sometimes not.
I’ve been a bit cranky lately too. You seem like you are a good person, so try not to focus on the negative.