I watched a film with a brad pitt inside who was a serial killer. and till all the movie I felt like I was a real psycho… I was really feeling bad… at a time I told to everyone that I have schizophrenia… I knew time and I still have it when I am angry to all that they didn’t had my past with my father. I am fed up of feelink like this. why me?when the hell I will feel good in my skin? I am clumsy cause I am afraid too…
What have you actually done that makes you feel like a monster? Is it all in your head or have you actually done something that makes you feel like a monster?
its all in my head. I cant be schoked anymore by the bad things in the life… iam not emotional on this level I guess… sometimes I wanna hurt some people physically. so this is that kind of things that make me feel like a monster… I also suffer by inflamed consciousness I think :/… and I cant still see the light in the tunnel… I am just tired to fight every day and every night without feeling ok… I have 15 years behind me of feeling like crap, do you understand? and the only way to get better that I see is to keep fighting but its tiring…
Yeah, I’m tired too. I would say that lots of people get fed up with other people and the thought of hitting them crosses their mind. Other people are annoying and will step all over you and not even care so I’m not surprised when a person says they have thoughts of violence. But you can never, ever act on those thoughts or you might have big consequences to deal with. But believe me, I understand. I feel like crap a lot too.
I spent two and a half years with intense psychosis. And it took me years to feel better. Your case of schizophrenia sounds worse than mine but I know what it’s like to suffer. I spent 8 months locked up in a psychiatric hospital. What kind of help are you getting? By the way, I’ve been fighting paranoid schizophrenia since 1980 when I was 19. Are you on medication? Do you see a psychiatrist?
my case worse than yours? I heard that too already by many… I have paranoid schizophrenia with mostly negatives symptoms… I am on zyprexa and Depakote but my negatives symptoms are here… the meds don’t work properly on the negatives symptoms… I really question myself if I need my meds… the only plus that they gave me is the activating… I still have a lot of anger in me, I cant explain the things to others, I don’t know who I am etc etc… and I don’t need to here that I need some other med, ive tried them all(really)… I wanna feel and I cant.i wanna feel pleasure ■■■■…
Hey Anna. I have a couple of questions for you… I think what you feel is mostly because you stigmatize your illness. That your worries come from all those things you associate with mental illness, that you probably aren’t that monster you think you are but that you put those ideas there without your fault. A lot of people have anger issues, and mostly they come from unresolved matters like being abused for example, those are the things that therapy is there for, you should insist with your mother on going to therapy, it would be a huge help for you with those problems.
My questions aren’t for me but for you to ask yourself in order to put things into perspective…
- Do you feel the need to harm others or do you think you can? Because you realize you have a debilitating illness and that others deal well with their problems and in comparisson that bothers you, or because you feel the need to harm others without any reason whatsoever. Those are different things and therapy would help with both of them.
- Are you willing to accept that schizophrenia has nothing to do with agressiveness and that comes from your past of abuse? And that issue needs to be dealt with in therapy?
- Do you actually want to get better or do you intend on waiting for a miracle with meds?
- If that miracle doesn’t come are you willing to do everything necessary to get better?
There were the questions I asked myself when I dealt with those issues. I used to have an agressive behaviour towards the people that tried to help me, I felt that they were “better” than me and that they wanted to show me that, instead of realizing they were just worried. Jealousy often arises with insecurity of our own capabilities, when we compare ourselves to others we only leave room for improvement on what is the others capability and not our own.
Hope this helps in some way.
yeah Minnie, I wanna hurt people because of my past… I always think that they didn’t had it :/… I keep all my emtoions in me… I used to punch on pillows also before. now I am slightly a bit more reasonable… I am sad also because I ve spent 15 years without to be treated… some pdocs didn’t saw a schizophrenia in the past but I was going worse and worse with the years… I don’t wait miracles from the meds but I am not sure that I need them, really. that’s alla basically. I have anger now, I think ill clean my house now… I am also paranoid when I feel angry like this…
My advice is to insist with your mother on therapy until she agrees
whats this shane? ouch…