I don’t get voices, but I am plagued with violent thoughts, like very violent, like killing and/or injuring people. I am tormented by these thoughts. I have never actually done anything violent, and don’t believe that I will, but sometimes my thoughts make me want to commit suicide, just to get rid of them. I am pursuing a new therapist as my current one is very ineffective. I cry as I write this, because I hate these thoughts–they just torment me.
No, I am not a violent person but, my cousin does. She just hit her mom about a month ago. there is nothing I can do. Her mom always let her do whenever she wants to do. My cousin is violent. I am different, I hear voices but I never scream or do anything. My voices never tell me to kill someone or to kill myself.
Sounds like ‘intrusive thoughts’. It seems like it gets worse for me during times of stress and depression. I know how disturbing it can be.
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you are not alone, i too have had this all my life ( the violent thoughts ), but we all know the difference between right and wrong.i go for a walk in nature, or watch the birds and animals in the garden and fields to distract my mind, it does take a lot of training but it works.
i am sorry you are hurting, but you are a good person, you are strong, and you can do this.
know that some one cares.
take care
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Afraid to walk by the tableware drawer. Start thinking I might actually pick up a steak knife and stab someone with it. Intrusive thoughts suck!.
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Thank you for sharing your stories, and for your support. 
I am like you, I only get thoughts and no voices. I do get violent thoughts against others and thoughts of suicide. The doctor has me on Invega and it has all but stopped the thoughts. I get some every once in awhile but not too bad.
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I used to fantasize and think about violence more than anything else…i thought people were out to kill me, and I wanted to fight them. I just thought I was going to be shot and all I could do was lift weights and practice krav maga so i could at least be able to give them the middle finger and let them know who they were killing.
I was delusional and aggressive, not a good combo…thankfully I quickly gained insight with psych classes and an evaluation. I still lingered on these delusions until I got on this magic geodon, xanax and propanalol cocktail. I am still a driven and aggressive person, just in appropriate arenas…I am joining a powerlifting team and I dominate seminar class discussions. I am very agreeable and kind person, but I have aggressive tendencies, it’s just part of my personality to be domineering in certain parts of my life. With my friends I am not domineering, I dont have a desire to herd people, but I used to be kind of like that in high school, organizing things and getting people to go along with a plan. I was an ENTJ but after becoming schizophrenic, I have become more introverted and come up on the MBTI as an INTJ. The myers-briggs type indicator tells you about aggressive tendencies…often judgmental people have violent thoughts.
But I know how you feel. I attempted suicide once but it was a total failure, I didnt have a high enough place to hang myself from and just got lightheaded and had a crick in my neck afterwards. I think paranoid schizophrenics resort to violence because they feel like they must…they feel like the victim, fighting in defense, but that’s getting into legal insanity and i could rant even more about that.
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I don’t get unwanted violent thoughts but I do get sexual ones. I was told they’re intrusive thoughts
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I do have a thing with violent delusions when I’m angry and upset. I have woken up convinced that I’ve beaten up my kid sister and really hurt her. Broke her arms, gouged out her eyes. But when I see her, there’s not a mark on her. She’s Ok. That feeling of sure guilt and panic at what I thought I did to someone that important to me, it can make me physically ill.
My voices (one of them) is disgustingly sexual. It’s the voice of a little 8 year old girl who is just spouting all this sick explicit stuff. I really hate when she show up. That is when I play music really loud to block her out.
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It may seem strange, but I think its a good thing a fella has thoughts like that, instead of acting out on them. You kind of train yourself with your own rage and anger that way. Like not drinking when you’re thirsty, or not eating when you’re hungry. Part of my brain is in a rage… a vortex of emotion, and I’m standing off to the side… the spectator.
But if you’re taught that stuff like that is forbidden, you don’t gain any experience from it. You can’t control it. You treat it like its sacrosanct, and its not. And like a psychosis, fear takes over.
I see this in so many people… particularly normies, and men. They get angry and they literally don’t know what to do with themselves… and everybody’s supposed to understand… even respect it. “Its their personality.” They say…
My personality has been diagnosed. And I understand it. I’m not afraid of it anymore… Other people may be. But I’m not.
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Only towards myself, I fanatasise and get intrusive thoughts over mutilating myself really badly or doing something to the edge of life threatening, it’s a recent thing but I had it during my first major psychotic break. I hate it because I have a desire to do it and it calms me just thinking about it because it satisfies my head and voices that I may just do it. I used to get violent thoughts and voices towards other people but I could never do it, I wouldn’t want to be that person but it doesn’t stop it happening the most violent thing I did to the voices pleasure to other people was going around town hitting people (more tapping) on the head with a spoon to prove they wouldn’t morph into monsters I got some frightening reactions and called all sorts of things but I wasn’t frightened (I should have been) I was just pleased no-one turned into the images I had in my head. You’re not alone though! I think it’s quite common in schiz as you can see x
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I used to blast music on my ipod in the gym so I didnt hear my voices…it worked pretty well. Now I don’t hear voices unless I dont take my meds so I quit doing that. That and they blast music at this new gym I go to. I found being distracted helped me ignore and even helped quiet the voices…I would watch movies and play video games because they made me concentrate and that made my voices ease up a whole lot. It’s when I got idle that the voices would really get loud and obnoxious.
But that would suck to hear a profane voice. Mine were always making fun of me and telling me to kill/hurt myself, but that’s actually pretty easy to brush off, as you either listen to them or not…you know, like a real person…like when you ask yourself if you give about what someone else thinks and decide “nope” and just mind your own business and let them mind theirs
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That’s pretty much how I handle most of the voices. Exactly. Just let them know they have no power over you. You can ignore them. I’m feeling pretty good about myself for being able to do that to 99% of the circus in my head, voice wise.
But the little girl has a trick. She only shows up sparingly, so it does snap me in head when it happens. It’s usually when I’m surfing or trying to meditate or calm down. She’s never insulting, just pornographically dirty. It’s a bit of the voice memory of my kid sis when she was about 7 and lost her two front teeth. The voice in my head even has that little lisp that she had when her adult teeth were coming in. It’s like a old day hooker trapped in a little child’s voice. So skin crawlingly icky that I have gone into dry heaves when that one appears.
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damn that’s messed up. You’re also an xanax, right? I’ve found it to help a whole lot in terms of reacting to hallucinations…like if a hallucination happens (rare now that Im on three meds) I just dont really care of even react anymore. I take 1mg 2-3 times a day.
My psychologist takes the psychoanalytic route to an extent when I tell him about my voices and what they say about what I am doing. He blames childhood experiences and an overactive superego for most of them. He is really good but really expensive…lol. He asks me what the voices are saying about what, and then points out that the voices are often my superego being dominant and literally telling me what to do. It could be some sort of mental block you have about your own sexuality…i dont mean to play sigmund freud but hearing demonic pornographic stuff in your head sounds like some sort of fear of your own sexuality. I remember we talked about intimacy triggering your tactile hallucinations… I have a very similar problem, my voices came out when I dated a couple girls (very briefly). When I hugged or kissed them, my voices would come back and make fun of me. It was quite a problem, but my shrink said that repeated exposure will solve it.
I actually had a tactile hallucination of spiders biting my scrotum when I was talking to this girl I met who I found attractive. That was my only tactile hallucination, and it wasn’t fun. But it only happened once.
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That is something to ponder. I always though I was pretty comfortable in my skin. I just always figured if I end up bi… I end up bi. I’ve had some very positive experiences with girls. No experience with guys. But I wasn’t stressing on it.
I always figured this little gift voice of the head circus was shame based from a very real event when I was young. When I was young, dumb and in a hurry to loose my virginity, I did go to a woman of negotiable affection. It was not a good idea and other factors involved made the whole encounter a very bad thing to do. What a way to blow a $20.00. The whole thing was bad and never really left me. I willing walked into that mess. (I hope I don’t make you ill, yes, my side kick was in the car waiting.)
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well that sounds like it would explain it! Thats exactly what my shrink does, he makes me think of a past experience that would explain lingering psychological problems that often manifest as hallucinations. At that NAMI meeting I went to, the guy in charge said that in his opinion, people with schizophrenia that he has met have had traumatic experiences, and he thinks the disease is partly to blame on experience.
But I found out that it runs in my dad’s side of the family, so I kinda just assume it was in my genes and just gonna happen. That’s what the guy who evaluated me said, he said it is organic and not due to experience or a little pot. Hell, a fair number of my friends have tried hard drugs at college and none of them have become schizophrenic. But, whatever, I still think traumatic experiences play a big role…i personally think that is not a schizophrenic reaction (like old school 1940’s psychiatry said) but reactions which are unique to schizophrenics, if that makes sense.
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I can get behind that. It makes sense. If I’m reading it right… The disease sort of short wires our thinking so we end up in a traumatic situation that perpetuates the disease.
A little piece of my internal cynicism wants to think that there are probably some non-sz guys who have gotten drunk and had a very embarrassing time with a lady of that profession. Ok, maybe not with their family in the car… I grant that one.
I was just thinking… if it is all experienced based, (which I also don’t think it fully is for me) my sis should be in an asylum for all the hell I’ve made her witness and pulled her through.
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Thanks, I’ll have to try that.
I one time got drunk at a friend’s house across the street from me. I woke up in bed, not remembering leaving her house or coming inside. I texted her the next day to ask if she was okay, because I was afraid that in my drunken state, I might have done something to her or to her child. But everything was fine, fortunately. She said she didn’t remember me leaving either. We were both pretty drunk–never trying that stuff again.