Lately, I’ve been working in the yard, with my dad and brother. Yesterday was Sunday so I especially worked in the yard.
Due to that, I picked up a stick, one those poles that you get from OSH or the Home Depot, and pointed it at my brother.
Now, I feel like I’ve got to do something bad to my brother. I don’t know if it is a hallucination or just some random thoughts in my head, but now I feel as if my brother has become my enemy. I don’t know how to explain it, but I feel as if I don’t know what’s going on. The last time I felt like harming my brother was in February and I felt so weird at the time that I just couldn’t explain what was going on. I was picking up hair from the trash cans. I was doing some random weird ■■■■ from the trash can.
I have no idea what’s going on. If anyone can help me, please reply. Otherwise, I want to be hospitalized again.
Maybe you’ve just got some pent-up anger towards him or some unresolved issues that you feel might turn into violence. Are you on meds? Do you feel angry? Believe me, you don’t have to harm him. No one or nothing can force you to harm him. Get help. See a doctor. Your thoughts are screwed up because of the schizophrenia. You need to talk to someone to get your thoughts straightened out.
There’s a chance you could turn violent but it doesn’t have to be that way. I find it hard to explain my symptoms too. I’ve felt I might turn violent before but I fought it off and the feeling went away. And I was very glad the feeling went away and I didn’t act on it. Schizophrenia gives us irrational thoughts but we don’t have to act on them.
Your brother is not your enemy. He’s just innocently living his life and probably means you no harm. He doesn’t even know what you’re thinking. He doesn’t know that you think you are enemies. It’s all one-sided on your part. He doesn’t know you’re enemies. He has no idea what you’re thinking. But it really could turn into violence.
Some people with schizophrenia really do turn violent, but it’s usually people who are doing drugs, or not being treated, or are not taking their meds, or people who were violent before they got sick. Do any of these conditions describe you? I never wanted to be hospitalized but sometimes that’s the only solution and I had to go in. Few people like the hospital but sometimes it’s a necessary evil.
Our thoughts are screwed up and we often need help. I’ll repeat. No one is forcing you to hurt your brother.
Moved to Diagnosed.
Pixel.
(Wearing moderator hat)
for about 14 years i used to get this rubbish… …voices telling me, " to kill mrs. sith “…” go on kill her "…etc…
but you and i know the difference between right and wrong…good and bad.
you are stronger than your voices…they are powerless…
they will tell you they are not…but it is rubbish.
you are in charge…you are the strong one…take control.
maybe when you hear this make a conscious effort to do something nice for the person you are getting the ’ negative ’ for, that way you break the cycle of thought.
know someone cares 
take care 
I know im not the same as you guy’s but maybe 10-15 yrs ago I was in a drunken rage when I could have busted a chair over my brothers head prolly just because I was in a drunken rage and I still feel bad about that.
Okay, fessing up here… I get the urge to kiss people on the lips. It isn’t that bad, and I can just think my way through it. I thought I’d mention it. It even happens with relatives. I suppose it comes from feeling isolated or distanced from them.
I haven’t mentioned it to my psych doc, because I never remember to. It is just a quirk to me. I don’t remember feeling violent. I used to feel more violent. I use hurtful words. I need to work on that.
I am considering going back into therapy.
I would tell this to your psychiatrist. It can be a sign of control slipping away. You seem like you know what is going on though, and that is a good thing. You are a good person and you’re doing the right thing by mentioning this.
Just call your p doc for an early appointment. You might want to look into therapy to help you cope. I am somewhat ashamed of my kissing thing, but we should not be ashamed of our impulses that only buries them.
i get the uncontrollable urge to sniff people because my mind tells me that the world is full of satanists and maybe vampires and wherewolves.
So i’ve actually gotten inches close to people sniffing them and looking for some kind of tooth irregularities.
Just carry a cross. It worked in Bram Stoker’s Dracula.
Thanks for the advice. …seriously.
I haven’t carried a cross for decades, maybe that’s whats missing.
I get the urge to hug people. It’s odd… I’m not usually a touchy feely person… but if I’m in a manic swing… I get very lovely… and touchy…
I did go through a dark period with my anger and I wasn’t always in control of it… I would be verbally hurtful. I’m glad I’m not in that dark place anymore.
I have that urge all of the time, and have had it since I was a small child. The thing is, I’m certified in hand to hand combat and extremely strong, so I don’t entertain the notion of violence. Someone would die, and not me. Or they would be so ■■■■■■ that they would rather have just died. I learned that ■■■■ because when I was a teen, I wanted to become a Navy SEAL. I can’t just unlearn it. There are lots of strong guys who know military fighting. Every Marine can do all of that ■■■■. The thing is, everyone formally taught this ■■■■ is taught that it is only for self defense and that it’s very illegal to start a fight knowing you will end the other persons life. Unless someone holds me up with a weapon or attacks me, no one is ever gonna get touched in a non loving way by me. I’m proud to be able to handle my own.
This is all true and I can’t change it. I won’t quit exercising, it helps me stay sane and fights stigma. I can’t just absolutely drop my lifestyle, that and I do live in a dangerous ass city and don’t own a firearm. I carry a knife when I leave the nice part of town.
Maybe try a channel for agression, like try jumping rope and doing pull ups, push ups and sit ups for two hours and then masturbate or have sex. I bet you will feel better if you are sore and tired. It’s cathartic. It’s sublimation.
I workout like an insane person. Mostly heavy lifting. Added cardio like a month ago. And uh lol I had sex with nine people in less than a year so that’s a factor. I jerk it when I’m not seeing someone.
Dude if I had any shame, that ■■■■ got used up and spent like two years ago. I’m just being honest because I have succeeded in what you are struggling with.
Please don’t act on hurting your brother.? I feel bad for you. I don’t know what to say.
And what do satanists and vampires smell like?
A kinda combination of reptile tank and …
They are carnivore and smell as they should
ok. I have written something on Reptilian People.
Would you like to read it?
Nah …thanks for asking man.