I feel embarrassed

I feel embarrassed around most normal people. I have found that most people don’t really care bout me.

I get embarrassed but mainly because my speech gets jumbled or I pause a lot and lose track of what I’m saying/doing. I try to brush it off.

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Im ashamed of my condition

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Why so?..

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I don’t feel Embarrassed I just feel they don’t want me around so I leave

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I feel they are judging me.

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I noticed when my pdoc prints off general info about me it has my full diagnosis but when she prints off stuff other people have to see like lab nurses and stuff she just puts major depression. Lol like she thinks I’m embarrassed about people knowing. I like people knowing, it’s helps them understand my shortcomings a little bit. Even though I’ve learned I need to educate a little.

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I told my mom basically the same thing. I told her I feel insignificant and unimportant. She told me that in public at the zoo, in the supermarket, at the library, etc that everybody is basically insignificant. Do you really care about the other people shopping in the supermarket? You are there to pick up groceries, go to check-out and leave.

If you want to make a difference and connect with someone than be friendly to the cashier and say some stupid joke like I do or make some comment. They face a lot of rude people for their 8 hour shift so if someone is friendly or even just makes an effort to be nice and polite they welcome it and they will respond in turn. They aren’t going to be rude or mean, they appreciate being treated kindly by anyone.

All these normal people out there care if people like them. They care if us schizophrenics like them or not. If we don’t like them it hurts the feelings of a lot of them. I try to be respectful and nice to people. I make real connections with all kinds of people. i walk down the street saying “hi” to people and everybody ends up happy. Everybody knows that people walking their dogs are some of the best, friendliest people to talk to. That’s just the way it is. It’s like a law of physics or a law of the universe or something, lol. A dog is just a great conversation starter.

You say, “Wow, that’s a neat looking dog”. How old is he? or “Does he bite”. Or, “My neighbor had a similar dog when I was a kid”.

Dog walkers just lap up these comments.

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I feel the same way. I always think when I’m around people they’re laughing at me, or talking about me. I try to ignore the feeling…I also get the feeling that people can read my thoughts and tell I’m not normal…which I know isn’t true but can’t help but to think it…especially if my mind is wandering all over the place and not focused on what I’m doing.

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@Twialine, your own thinking is probably what people pick up on, not what they really think/feel.
If you were to do an experiment, one where you were granted a day where you had no Dx, no reservations about yourself, and as the day progressed, it became one of those where you found yourself luckier and luckier, you’d understand how others respond to your being, based on what you project, and not your true inner self.
Kind of like when you fear dogs, and you meet one face to face, the dog picks up on it, and will be uncomfortable in your presence, and probably act in a way that confirms your fear in the future, making everything much worse than it needs to be.

Give people the benefit of the doubt, most folks aren’t that quick to judge, and those that are, really aren’t worth being around anyways.
So try this one day when things feel neutral enough to give it your best test:
Walk out your front door, relaxed and curious, feeling the need to smile genuinely at the first person you see, look them briefly in the eyes then say warmly, "Hello/Good day"
Greet and move on without the need to expect a response, if you do get one, nod your head, smile and keep going.

The whole idea is to understand most folks are only looking to be acknowledged in a pleasant way, that’s the start of feeling part of the human race.

Try it, you might realize how others respond to you, is mostly based on how you respond to them first.

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