Lower than dirt


I really need to talk to someone. Not doing so well. I have been schizophrenic for about 8 years. I was feeling great and about as close to “normal” as i have ever been. I went to a family gathering where my cousin informed me of all the things people (family) have been saying about me behind my back. I feel like a walking freakshow that everyone is only nice to because they either pity me or are afraid of me. I really feel lower than dirt and don’t know if i can recover from it. No matter how normal i try to be i will always be a freak.


Unless you heard it from every member of your family, I would’nt put much stock in one persons opinion without proof your cousin didn’t overgeneralize his statement without considering your feelings in the matter.
Sometimes family can be worse than strangers.


She is the person i feel closest to (outside of immediate family) and i don’t feel she would lie to me. Everyone else on the other hand would.


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I’m extremely frustrated. I think i will always be considered abnormal and even if i accomplish something there will be this shock because there are low expectations. Do you ever feel that way? I have never been shy about discussing it and now i wish no one knew at all


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I am embarrassed and ashamed and want to crawl into a hole. And i feel stupid for ever thinking i wouldn’t be judged because of it…the idea that people are afraid of me hurts more than anything


I can relate to that. But miracle happens. One night I was walking alone to the city and there was nobody around except cars. Then I turned my head and noticed a lady was walking on the opposite road. It scared me and I walked faster. What surprised me was the lady crossed the road and followed me. I am a man and she is a woman, so somehow I still have balanced view on that particular night at that particular quiet place. Finally she and I walked side by side and overtook me.
That was amazing. I am still not sure it is she afraid of me or I afraid of her.


May i ask why you were afraid? A few weeks ago i spotted a man talking to someone that wasn’t there and even though i am also schizophrenic, i was afraid because I was alone and afraid he might hurt me. When i finally reached him on the road i realized he was not dangerous and just confused. I felt guilty for judging someone as i have been judged


Was that you? Where do you live?

I was afraid that she might afraid of me, so I had decided to walk faster and hope that that would ease her anxious feeling (if any).


I am in bakersfield and i’m sure it was not me because it was in the afternoon and he was standing still.


People afraid of the unknown and whatever considered as a safety threat.


Try not to let stuff like that affect you. People engage in a lot of back biting. The best thing is to live right and prove them wrong.


People are afraid when they dont have any knowledge about something. Please dont let it bother you–or talk to a few family members about it-let them know how you feel.
I don`t think you are being judged, maybe they are uncomfortable, or are afraid of how you will take things.
You can educate them yourself. I would not let it hide under a rug—talk to them**


Why give it that importance. Remember you are the one waking up every morning with a very difficult battle for survival who very few people would understand. If I were you I wouldn’t give much credit to the talks. People talk. Not because they hate us but because that’s what they usually do, talk. If you are wise you can make friends with someone and give ironic hints about your illness and how you’ve been able to battle and survive and what are the things you are longing for in future. Please don’t be hurt and know that for every person talking behind your back there is someone who is loving you unconditionally so stay well and be with those you love. Ps. I don’t think your friend is a good one. That’s my opinion but she could have said something to restore your confidence instead of this so try to find someone else to become friends with. Solidarity is usually good when it’s about your illness. Keep it in a very close round of people.


Your username is Perfect.

I wanted to add that there is a member here who has mentioned an interest in training pups to be therapy dogs for mental health clients. She described an amazing skill set attribution wise. Would a therapy dog aid you? Would your family acknowledge others respect you if they see you with a therapy dog?


i have a friend…a drinking buddy shall we say. one night she fell out with on of her friends and her friend texted her about the stuff she’d said about me behind my back. it hurt but i know she’s a gossip so why would my problems be any different as fodder for the local community. so long as i keep her at arms length and not divulge anything too personal it’s fine. in truth this girl has more problems than i do…maybe not psychiatric but emotional definitely. drinks like a fish, has an alcoholic twat for a husband. he drank her inheritance money in 6 months and she doesn’t think she’s worth anything more than him. he made a pass at me when he was drunk, said he’d really like to ■■■■ me…she was about a foot away at the time and when i turned him down he told me he’d like to punch me in the face…nice guy. i told her and she laughed it off like oh he didn’t mean it, he was just drunk, she’s found countless texts from him on his phone to two other women asking for sex and she’s still in the relationship…so you see the moral of the story is, girls or men for that matter that involve themselves in malicious gossip obviously have problems themselves or they wouldn’t do it so if i were you i’d keep this girl at arms length. yes socialise with her if you want, just don’t tell her your ■■■■. and i think you should confront your family about things they’ve supposedly said. you may find out that they either didn’t say it or not said it in the way she repeated it to you. i know the stigma all too well. this girl takes great pleasure in discussing my inner most turmoil around the kitchen table at 3am while i’m present. it’s like it’s somehow enhancing her credibility to have a “crazy” friend. maybe your friend is the same, who knows or maybe she’s stirring up trouble for reasons you don’t yet know. either way you need to find out where you stand with your family so i would broach the subject with them, one person at a time. don’t be disheartened either. everybody is afraid of what they don’t understand so educate them. i would. you are a person with an illness not an illness on legs. you have normal days and off days just like normal people only thing is your normal is slightly different than the majority is all. don’t let it ruin your relationship with your family. for all you know they may never have said these things or not in the way you heard it anyway. talk to them…no point in drowning your sorrows till you know the facts and one supposed friend is not the font of all knowledge and you have to question why she would even want to upset you like this. something is wrong here. good friends don’t hurt you, they support you. good luck hunni. x