I feel a lot of sadness creeping in

DX'd - Other
1

I don’t even know what to say about it. 2.5 hours until work. I’m capable of exerting the effort that I have been exerting at work and probably more-so really without regard or reward beyond pay checks. The directionless waste of time of working in a grocery store? Where does it end? What is my future? Will I ever not be alone?.. none of these things matter… it’s just the way it is. I’m an adult and I simply just have to do this ■■■■ for a while. It is enjoyable… the process of learning about my departments operations and then finding my own way to get it all done is a challenge that is a reward in itself… as by the end of it it’ll be one of those things on the list of ■■■■ that I know I can do.

I’m giving up on sex, romance, and women… I’m just going to go with the approach that if I do good for myself and need nothing from someone else… some girl will get drawn into it eventually… and I won’t have to do a thing but be patient.

Nesting goes beyond the house… having an adequate clean living environment is a mandate for me by default… I know it’s an attractive facet of for a person… but I can go beyond that… and make myself a part of that nest as well. Probably should have started there. Comforting, patient… understanding… I already am those things for the most part. What needs to go is the need itself. When women get in close and they see how serious I am… they seem put off. It takes a certain type of girl to understand my thrills of mind and the homebody life… my enjoyment of reviewing the dissatisfaction and dysfunction in the world and it’s people… I can imagine better… but I don’t have nor want any power to do anything about it… aside from get a country plot and throw an aluminum shed on it… so that I might escape the noise and irrationality of the world (and it’s people).

Somber ■■■■■■■■… another early morning rant. 1 more shift and it’s my weekend. Maybe if I do it… maybe if I jsut regard myself as alone for the rest of my life long enough then I’ll become genuinely entertained by the simple things once more. Sounds dramatic but it might be what has to be done.

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What happened with a girl from your work place that seemed to liked you And you thought about calling her out?
I can’t imagine why would be it be so hard for you to casually ask a girl out. You’re handsome and intelligent and so much more…unless you have a high standards, which might be a part of the problem.
Its not like you have to find a girl but at least it breaks the routine and boredom

3

meh… you were kind of missing the point of the intent…

and I do have high standards… I don’t waste time with people I don’t want to be around. Douchy as that is it’s just a fake shallow time otherwise.

4

People sometimes say that you’ll find someone when you’re not looking. I like that. I am not sure though if it works when you are not looking on purpose, only in order to find someone.

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Man, sex is no relationship with high standard, from my opinion.

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Of course I miss the point when you don’t make any :smirk:
The 90% of your threads is your rant how there is no girl who can get your deepness and uniqueness.

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Well that’s kind of filtering it. I do know one… But that chick is crazy.

Look I’m alone and pissed of constantly that that is the case. I’m a good compasionate man and don’t feel like I deserve to be. I look around though and I just see directionless childish games… It’s like what the ■■■■… Nothings real anymore.

I just want to do some drugs. I already feel like I’m on drugs but something good to lock the roll in for a few hours would be great.

Soon the sun will be up and the bland rat race and it’s crowded streets are going to dominate the life experience. I gotta get out of the city and find a tree in a field and just fucken build a house under it.

Thank god it’s the weekend for me… Almost. I’m gonna go take a ■■■■ now.

8

I think it’s part of the illness if your sadness is rather serious.People without mental diagnosis face sad moments too,don’t worry if it’s not affecting you too badly and you still can manage

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