I mean, they aren’t real voices. Only inside my head, I can’t physically hear them. But I know when they speak and I know it’s more than just my own thoughts. They were once a part of me, true, but now they’ve grown as I have grown. Rage was once a voice of anger and only anger but she now encourages me to be assertive. When she gets out of hand the Teacher is there to bring logic to the situation. The Twin and the Human offer emotional support and advice. Even the fallen angel who wallows in depression helps me see reality.
I don’t want them to go.
It’s just the darker ones who cause trouble. Lilium and the shadowy demons that lurk in the darkest corners of my mind. The creepy Mort, who influences the worst part of me and the voices and is able to coax the child like Prankster to become the cruel Jokester.
But even those I want to stay. I don’t want my mind to be filled with silence.
Thank you for showing me this. It’s comforting to know that I don’t have to lose the voices so long as I work on not being overpowered by the more negative voices.
I’m the same as you, I am very close to a lot of the ones I talk to. Really it’s only the demons that cause me trouble. When I was on risperdal my head was so quiet and it could get quite boring…I often chat away with them as I walk and I couldn’t do that because they just wouldn’t answer me…
Your voices really aren’t audible? Mine are…wish they weren’t. It gets so confusing sometimes, trying to distinguish between what’s real and what’s in my head
From what I’ve seen non-audible voices are actually fairly common too…I used to think I was the only one @.@ I think the non-audible voices would be more considered thought insertion, while auditory are considered a hallucination.
Yeah, mine are definitely auditory hallucinations. Don’t think I’ve ever had visual hallucinations, but there have been times I’ve had sensations that didn’t make sense…
My hallucination types have changed over the course of my life? And I haven’t heard of that before so I’m curious to see if others are the same. I rarely get auditory nowadays ALTHOUGH eerily I have experienced them twice in the past two days. Very minor things/not strong. I heard pixelated videogame music last night when there was nothing that could have caused it (I experience this from time to time, not commonly though) and today I swear I heard that croaking noise the grudge makes!!! (From that scary movie) Admittedly I was pretty freaked out by that one and had to convince myself the grudge was not around because it’s from japan and there was no black hair anywhere lol.
Recently, my voices have all left. It’s kind of sad. I had my own theme music, and I loved dancing to it. Everyone who knows me knows me as that weird girl who breaks into dance when there is no music playing. Now, it’s just gone. I also had a news anchor who would broadcast the events of my day. He liked to joke around about the things that were upsetting me, and it would make me laugh. Now, it’s just silence.
They have been on their way out for a while. I heard nothing for two weeks straight, then last week it was the most beautiful orchestra I have ever heard. I stayed awake all night just letting the music wash over me. That was the last time I heard anything. On the one hand, I’m glad to be rid of the scary ones. On the other hand, I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself. It’s a lot more bittersweet than I always imagined it would be.
When I first started hearing my voice, back in February of this year, my voice told me crazy things like that pot was an intelligent plant, that pot plants communicate with each other and that pot plants wanted to take over the world by making everyone schizophrenic. That voice is gone now, killed by the meds. When I started hearing another voice, the new voice was crazy. It was telling me it wanted me to kill myself because I was telling myself I wanted to die. When I asked the voice why it wanted my to die it said “because that’s what you want”. What was interesting about this voice is that it would also give me a description of human consciousness and say that things like my voice wanted to become conscious. Coming from a Philosophical/Theological background, having a voice that talks philosophy and theology and gives a description of consciousness and that also says “why can’t God act through Schizophrenia?”, I kinda found it interesting. My therapist says that some people lament losing their voice(s). As much as I liked the descriptions of consciousness, I also recognised that voices are not healthy.
If it wasn’t for my very bad memory, I would transcribe what my voice told me and write a book about it.
My hallucinations/voices have always been auditory, usually through music or television, but sometimes I can’t tell when I’m in public whether someone has actually said something or it was just in my head. But maybe I’ve had the other kind and just chocked it up to my imagination?
Sometimes I wonder if at the onset of psychosis part of my brain went to sleep or something. I’m too chicken to look too much into what’s been documented about schizophrenia, though…some of the stuff I have read just scared or upset me too much. I do wonder, though…it felt like something in my head just released at onset, and since it usually happens when I’m emotionally overwhelmed–and considering we ALL hallucinate on a nightly basis in the form of dreams, I can’t help wondering. Anyone else ever get that feeling?
Through CBT I learned to live with my voices. I don’t want to lose my companion. The other voices, minor demons, etc can go and I don’t mind, but my companion angel must stay. Whenever “he’s” been silent and invisible for more than a few days, I grieve for him. But learning boundaries and controlling my reactions is very important for being ok with him here…
Overall, I’m glad to be rid of the angrier ones, because they caused a lot of stress. And I’m glad I no longer hallucinate my alarm going off and waking me up at four in the morning. That was annoying, because I couldn’t turn it off. I just had to get up. But like I said, it’s bittersweet.
Lol, sometimes voices will start yelling “wake up!” just as I’m falling to sleep. Haven’t had that happen recently. It is annoying. And my companion is admittedly a bully and really horrible to me sometimes, and yet as I learn to protect myself it gets more manageable. And maybe that’s his purpose.
I hate the thought of being alone. There’s no human that could fill the void.