I often feel don’t fit in. I can’t find my place. I don’t get the point, why live this very handicapped life that every person want to avoid me and I lack the ability to take care of myself. when I’m emotionally unwell, having a consciousness is particularly killing. I really want an alternative to living on.
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You have to fight these feelings and have hope maybe
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Nobody wants this illness but you play the cards you’re dealt. A person can live a fulfilling life if they receive the proper treatment. Don’t give in to despair, there is always hope of a better future.
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I hope there is a shortcut to end this all and start a new life. Although you cannot change those beyond your control but certainly you can change your mindset on how to respond to your health condition. There is a saying: “Make the best of a bad situation”. 
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Yes, I second Malvok.
I was diagnosed in 1971 at age 28, that makes me 72 now, Having 44 years experience I can only say if you take care of your nutritional needs (stay off fast food, junk food etc etc) you can get by on less medication which will enhance your aspirations to be successful. And, I would be remiss if I did not add that mega vitamins did wonders for me BUT I still need the meds allbeit in smaller doses.
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I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 1980 when I was 19.Yeah, I went through years where I had nothing going for me. I didn’t know if I would get better. I was broke and addicted to crack for almost four years too in the late 80’s and at the end of my addiction I also relapsed and had several hospitalizations. But now I’m 53 and I’m sure glad I stuck around.
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there have been some great minds who have been given less than able bodies…steven hawkin , a brilliant man.
helen keller
roosevelt
einstien
van gogh
great things come from those who struggle the most…
your a great person in your own right.
i admire you.
take care 
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yeah take 1 day at a time right now your unwell when you get depressed you think it will always be like this it wont hang in there and things get better tc