I don't want it

My sister and her husband called it quits a few months ago after 10 or 11 years of marriage. I guess I was on good terms with him. We weren’t friends or anything and we never hung out, just me and him ever. But we bonded a little over war stories about when we each did drugs back a long time ago.

But they divorced and he moved to Hawaii. After they split up I sent him one respectful friendly e-mail because I figured he deserved it after all those years of knowing him. Now it’s come back to bite me. He sent me a few return e-mails, I replied to one and ignored the rest.

He’s not a terrible guy but I don’t want to start up any regular communication with him. I don’t want to put out the effort. But just last week he not only sent me a message through Linked in, but now he invited me out to lunch. I read the message and I do not want to go. To be honest, I don’t want any communication. Even my sister said that he needs to find his own friends and relationships and not bug his ex-wife’s family.

I want to be polite, and being an idiot, I’m worried about hurting his feelings if I decline going to lunch or stop communicating with him. He’s putting me in an awkward position that I do not need right now. I feel I owe him something but I need to toughen up and look out for my own best interests. I hate to be mean but I can’t see any other possible way out of it. I know the divorce was hard on him and he’s lonely but he’s imposing on me.

I’d just politely decline. You don’t want to lead him on, don’t want to get involved, and you hopefully don’t want to betray your sister (which she might feel you’re doing, good terms or not). Best to just rip off that band-aid.

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Oh man that’s a tough spot to be in. But he is imposing on you an you do just have to nip it in the bud.

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Good answers @Happy_H and @Leaf. Of course you’re right, I just have to bite the bullet and be clear.

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