I am struggling with emotions over my decision to divorce my husband
Today I missed him for second time in a month. Miss his companionship and love.
Wrote pros and cons list again but cons still outweigh pros by three to one. Too much at stake going back.
But I’m in emotional mess now and incapable of decision making. Tried to cut several times today on wrists. Thought of suicide a lot. Planned it in back of my mind. Cut deeper each time…and so on
But anyways - just want to hear from any of you who are divorced - how did you cope with it? And how did you get to a better place? What can I do to cope better?
Right now I feel like hospital material but trying to keep my head above water. Need someone to talk to, who knows what its like
I ended up in hospital when I was divorcing my first husband. Even though I knew it was the best thing for me, the stress did me in. There’s no shame in needing the hospital to help you cope right now. Once I got on better meds I was ok to handle the stress
He seems to be willing because he asked over and over for one more chance. But how would I know if he’d really change? My sister said they very rarely change (if at all) and so if I go back and things go bad again then it will be harder to leave.
yea i think going back in case he changes is a bad idea. I think he might try to change at first but it will become really hard for him over time i think. Then going away again from him will be really hard
If you still love him and he’s willing to make the marriage work then you could always remain separated for a while but slowly ease back into the situation and test the waters.
But ultimately it’s up to you.
I got divorced almost 5 months ago and I’m ok. I feel good, I have good people around me and I have new dreams, so many things to live for. Divorce is not the end of the world. It’s harder at first, but then you’ll realise there’s a new life plenty of oportunities waiting for you. You can do whatever you want. You can find someone new if you want to. Life is a gift.
I left my ex after years of abuse. It was stipl very hard. He tried to manipulate me into coming back. When that failed he started threats. I stsyed away and eventually met my now husband.
We’ve been married 20 years. We had really rough times here and there. A few years ago we came close to divorce. But I got on meds, so did he, we had counseling, and now have a near perfect relationship.
The problem here is his psychosis. Is he willing to get it treated? Maybe he can go into treatment first, then you can decide if you want to try again. But don’t go back based on his begging. Only go back if you feel it co pletes your life.
My perspective is a little different. The divorce was one of the best things to happen to me. It was difficult going from a wife and two kids to nothing. I was so occupied and busy when married. It was like going 100 mph to 10 mph. I’ve adjusted to a more quiet life. I actually prefer being single to married. I have no desire to be married again. The only hard part is not seeing my kids as much as they and I would like.
At the end of the day divorce is a personal decision.
He denies he has a problem with it. Doesn’t accept he has sz diagnosis. Hasn’t taken his haloperidol. Didn’t have another episode as far as I know, but it can come back anytime
Me too. I was so busy looking after hubby all these years and now at my sister i have loads of time free and alone. If I divorce I won’t want to remarry either
The emotions for me was the worst. My emotions was hammering back and forth. My brain felt binary. My brain said I love her, I hate her, I love her, I hate her thousands of times per minute for weeks on end.
I had a GP at the time who has also gone through a divorce a couple of years ago. He told me that his dad told him to enjoy his emotions. He will not understand it right away but will do so eventually. I hang on to those words while riding the roller coaster of emotions… Today I understand what he meant by that. We are human. Emotions is part of being human. I have never in my life experienced such radical emotions as through and after the divorce. The pain was unbearable.
It took me years to get over the divorce. Today, 15 years later I know that I don’t want to go through it again and that I’m better off staying single.
There is no easy way out of the emotions. Enjoy them cause one day it will make a lot of sense to you.
@Hadeda, you didn’t mention me as a divorced member but I am divorced. I’ve been divorced for 33 years now.
I met this man in 1977 when I was 17 and he was 24. We married in 1980. And had our only child, a son, that same year. My husband beat, raped, and sodomized me repeatedly over our 6 year marriage that lasted until the end of 1986. I graduated from college then and left my husband, joined the military and was stationed in Phoenix, AZ.
Inexplicably, I was still in love with my now ex husband.
And the sorrow over this loss literally drove me to further madness. I had experienced a lot of psychosis during my time in nursing College. This suicidal thinking over my ex was new, intense, and long-lasting. It lasted 14 years up until 2005 when I became confirmed. Then it just disappeared.
I suddenly realized that my ex was nobody special and that he was just a nobody and a tremendous bore to boot. That’s when I was emotionally done with him for good.
I’m sorry you went through that @SkinnyMe. I had an abusive husband my first marriage. I get it. I’m glad you left him. My husband I now have is a very good man
Hey @Hadeda. It’s hard. The things that attracted you to that person doesn’t really change. Yes. You get a better handle on what you need but I still talk to my ex 20 years later.
Saying that. I got a divorce and stopped talking to her for years simply to get that done. The reasons I left don’t change either even after all this time. Like I love that girl and she did a lot for me but she’s a mess. I would need millions to keep her happy and that is just life…
I think you did things for your reasons so stay strong and I’ll support you in that. Move forward. Tomorrow is another day but do what is good for you now. The rest will sort itself out. You can be friends later if the fates will it. …And. Seeing other posts of yours this stress isn’t good for you. If you need help then get it. The rest will work itself out but stay strong to what you think is best for you.