I’m afraid to go anywhere. I know that in Western countries I may be subjected to racial violence (as it is happening to Asian people in US and Canada), but in my country I know that I’ll never be accepted because of my physical disability and severe mental illness.
I don’t belong anywhere.
My brother said today that people with sz are dangerous and people with sz can kill other people. I wanted to cry. I wanted to shout that I have psychosis, but my mom told me to not talk about it to my brother.
I’m not sure who I am, what I want, or where I am supposed to be. I know that I’m not accepted anywhere. Once people find out that I’m mentally ill, they’ll all leave me behind.
I just know that people won’t like me anymore on the basis that I can be dangerous and that I can’t contribute to the society. And in Western countries, I’m not trusted because of xenophobia and just because I have a different skin colour.
I despise myself and I wish I was never born. My life is basically rubbish.
And it doesn’t matter what I think. What others think matters because I will be defined in the society as such.