In the meanwhile, I’ll get a new kitten.
I’m 90% sure we’re not an alien experiment o.O
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right on bro! athiesm for the win!!!
i was just looking at pets at the humane society… i think ill get some plants tho
I definitely think you know what love looks like Minnii, you just haven’t met the right person yet. I’m the same, but consider myself lucky, as the person I might have gone for before I was on meds is different to the person I would choose now.
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Thank you, that’s uplifting 
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I absolutely love what @patrick said. First comes passion, then love then lifelong friendship. That’s exactly what I have with him. We take care of each other and it’s the best sense of security for someone like me. Especially because he’s a great guy. I’m only 27 though and I have commitment issues. Some days I wanna have fun.
Once I fell in crazy love though in 2013, it triggered psychosis. I slept all days with music on dreaming about him. ;o)
But after some time, I just moved on. These stuff are not secure for people like us. Best love comes with friendship. The rest is delusion.
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you are beautiful, smart, kind, passionate, friendly, honest. You’re a catch @Minnii I’m sure you will fall in love with someone who knows your worth. <3
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Thank you honey 
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Same here. Ive had moments where i felt the eye-meeting contact, with butterflies in my belly, but the girl didnt feel the same. its a beautiful feeling, sets you free.
So I meet my first girlfriend… totally having a blast with her… she was basically my whole world. She had a lot of depression and anxieties and stuff… Back then I didn’t have much of that. In fact I might have borrowed some of it from her through to much empathy. I always told her I didn’t know what love was. My parents were always at war and I didn’t really ever gather what the essence of pair bonding or any of that ■■■■ was about. Hence to not be a liar I never really told her I loved her.
She was in love with me as well. She had the intent of wanting me to seal the deal at some point. She told my mother about it. I never did.
Eventually she starts to lose that desire to be with me and only me as we both kind of moved out into the world. She wanted to have her own friends, not just mine. So she broke up with me and started sleeping with one of my friend’s older brother.
It wasn’t until then I had realized what I had lost. Wasn’t until then I really realized how deeply in love with her I was. Part jealousy, part insecurity, part being possessive, part missing my best friend and the person who knew me the most, then part just missing her beauty and ability to entertain the wildest ideas with me.
We still shared the same friends… It was a hellish time that really ■■■■■■ me up regarding relationships and trusting people. Probably part of the preceding crap that led to the unlocking of my SZ.
I eventually got her back but it wasn’t the same. I was in love with her and she might have had a lot of sentiment for me but I had secretly broken her heart a long time ago and she had to get away from before mine broke as well. From there everything was always in shambles.
The only time I’ve ever known mutual love and it never really lined up. It was always there, but never officially. She didn’t trust it because she wanted affirmation. Then when it came my turn to be on the desperate side of things I couldn’t trust it because she was a loose cannon and a wild-one at that point. Seeking excitement over stability.
One thing I did gain though is the ability to tell who I could fall in love with. There aren’t many of them but within a few conversations I can tell. There is a certain requirement of beauty but it ain’t typical. It’s rather strange. There is a definite trend to it, but it’s like their soulfulness kind of resonates around them in a way that resonates with me.
Now I find myself in the reverse situation. The girl I have been talking too claims that she’s never truly loved or has been loved by anyone… Funny how all that ■■■■ comes back around. I’m sitting here seeking affirmation and she kind of settles me down a bit and says “I’d rather talk in person.” So it goes.
She’s seemingly infinite more patient than me, but I know she just has a lot on her mind. I know I’ve played it not entirely wrong but when this girl started to try and get close to me it really changed some ■■■■. I went from steadfast and content with being alone to being a mind-wrecked desperate romantic. Lot’s of good poetry came out of it… but at the same time she’s seen more of my worst sides than my better. Alcoholism, Insecurities, superiority complex, impatience, confusion, prejudice, being presumptuous, lack of discipline, more substance abuse issues…
Surprisingly she hasn’t totally cut me out or ever lost sight of my potentials. She wants whats best for her and whats best for me and that’s not necessarily a relationship. She’s a good friend…
Of course I still want more. I’ve enjoyed every second of being around this girl… there were some not so perfect parts to it, but even those I look back on and realize how much more I should have appreciated her being around. She’s too far away and too preoccupied to get close to in any measure… It sucks balls. Big hairy salty balls…
Pretty sure though… beyond her brushing up against me and only really feeling comfortable around me at this one party last year… I actually fell in love with her when I was venting about my BS and she responds with a statement that contained the words “Well my dear.”… Snapped me into some future domestic vision of sitting in front of a fireplace in a recliner reading a book with her sitting in the opposing chair. Her lost in her own pursuits of whatever me just smoking a pipe and relaxing. Like some 50s ■■■■■■■■… Never thought I’d find that kind of vision appealing… but it fit. Then I quit reaching out to her because she’s just a frustration to try and keep in contact with by phone…
One month later out of the blue she drops me a text saying she’s in town. I go down to try to meet her and who she was with… Sz ramps up before I get out of the parking lot and I forfeit the night. I drive back home and try to explain to her that I just can’t do it tonight the psychosis is acting up and I really don’t want to be down town. It takes her about 30 or 40 minutes to respond but I get a “noooooooooo.” In response.
■■■■ this ■■■■ is always on my mind…
L O V E… love is evil…
Really it is one of the most complicated things to coordinate with someone. People are often at different points in their lives and on different life-paths. Regardless of how well they get along it just can’t be. If I wanted this girl to get serious… It’ll likely be a long ass god damned time of this obsessive waiting bulltuss… Ain’t good for anyone.
Cept it’s better than focusing on the psychosis. Wait love is psychosis… 1001 associations for everything lead me to thinking about this girl.
So it goes… Oh well, oh well, oh well…
Love is kind of dumb… but casual sex is disgusting to me… so I’m at a loss all around.
I’m a desperate romantic demisexual… and I have no choice but to be proud of it.
Good cosmos, you and your exagerations 
Love is not evil, it’s the opposite of evil, and like all opposites sometimes touch and leave grey areas.
Yours are the only rants I read
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ah that’s sweet minnikers…
when I saw the notification I was like “■■■■ someone actually read that ■■■■■■■■?”
I’ll try to keep them coming 
and noted “Love is not evil”… I’ll think on that for a while
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I hope you find what your looking for min min.
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Thank you bru bru 
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me too. I am praying for it to happen but so far, not at all. judy
you’re so lucky green6!!! judy
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I think love in terms of 100% commitment can be dangerous, but that’s largely based on my personal experiences and observations within my family tree. People can change, and they can hide things. People can trick you. Having some limits and standards that make it somewhat conditional is important, I think. I think 100% commitment “no matter what” is not really love but is more so an internal neediness, a desperation. I have loved before and not just teenage fling love, but things still had to end at some point, and I had to be able to move on. This has been with friends and family, as well, not just romance. To me love is the empathetic bond, some people love more easily than others, and not even by their own choice at times. I have loved a platonic friend more deeply than I had ever loved a lover.
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Love us is fantastic thing.me and my wife meet 20 years ago in front of our garage.when i was first saw my wife(when was 13) i was completely exciting tthat i thought my heart was stop.its quite unexplainable thing.i used to be always happy.i always thinking of her.when i was eating,listening music,laying the bed .always.she was my willing to live.i m still love my wife but first saw thing never happened again
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That’s not what I mean at all. I loved before, but it wasn’t healthy, so I’m not counting it.
So what does “true commitment” mean to you, personally?
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