Before I had schizophrenia I had a identity and personality. Now I feel just blank with no identity or personality living in a fog. Does anyone feel the same?
It seems like all I am is either what the illness is doing to me or what the meds are doing to me. There is no real me. It’s like I lack a personality. I remember it not being like that, when I was younger and before this had all started. When I started having problems it’s like I completely lost my identity. So, I guess I can relate.
2 Likes
I kind of feel like i have no identity left, it was sucked out of me with this illness and taking the medication.
I also feel like my personality has been obliterated.
Not quite, but I have a personality defect separate from schizophrenia. I tested in the 75th percentile for psychopathic deviance on the MMPI-2. It didn’t surprise me, I used to want to join the military, but not out of nationalism, I just enjoyed violence and wanted to make a living off of it. I have a couple belts in Krav Maga and now Im getting into powerlifting, I enjoy aggressive activities. The thing is, I was raised by a very sweet mother, she used to be a nun actually, and I was balanced out…they say psychopaths are born, not made. Just sharing some personal information. I don’t struggle with identity, I have always had an identity
I was 5 when I started crumbling so I didn’t have a personality before my Sz. I’m working to construct one now.
2 Likes
I don’t have much of a personality. It started with depression, though. I lost all sense of self. And I’ve had depression off and on for most of my life.
It seems like I’ve spent 40 years constructing a personality for myself. Other people see it as real, but I feel fake. Somewhere back there I lost my self.
Sad we can’t get that back. That was reality then. You are who you are.
Like SurprisedJ and pob imply, I felt that when I went psychotic, crumbled, or whatever you want to call it that I was reborn. So when I was 40 I felt like my personality had only been born 20 years before. I had started out as an infant a second time and had to construct anew who I would be.
I know what you mean, pob, about feeling fake. It isn’t quite that way for me but parts of my self feel brittle, especially when I slow down and leave off doing what I must do and what I want to do, just letting myself “loaf and invite my soul.”
In effect I had to believe what’s often been said – that our self is not something we find but something we create.
it would be nice if we could go into a library and choose a personality from maybe the romantic section or the sci fi section…i hope you find your self again , know that some one cares.
take care
1 Like
it depends on my health if i have a bit of personality or not. when i’m struggling not so much. when i’m feeling more improved i think i’m more personable. i like to make jokes and laugh iif that counts for anything. But i also suffer from depression so don’t let that fool you!
1 Like
The med. completely changed my personality, before many wish to be friends with me, now i am being ignored. So i take meds so that no one will notice that i am ill. But this medication not only makes me talk stupid sometimes, but it makes me look stupid as well. I was in a better shape when i was not on med and i was psychotic, but i have depression as well, i cant go without med. we are totally in mess, like someone said on this forum, its a life sentence.
Schizophrenic was or is my personality. I think I have a personality disorder of some kind. I’m not too comfortable around people.
1 Like
I have to admit, I think that is exactly what I might be doing. 
1 Like
I used to have a very loud personality but I was also a fantasist…probably due to trauma both sexual, physical, emotional and mental. So I’ve quitened down a bit now. I don’t know whether that’s due to the meds or the trauma or both. Nevertheless, I’ve lost myself somewhere along the way I think and am a shadow of my former self. Yet another reason I’m scared of trying clozapine.