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I don’t think I have schizoaffective disorder


#1

I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist and at the hospital, but I’m beginning to wonder if they were wrong. Now it’s more like something’s trying to get me to believe things like I’m not from this world and that I’m being pursued by angels and demons alike and that beings are trying to escape my mind.

My mom says that not thinking I have sza is part of having the illness. Is that true? She thinks I’m delusional, but I hear the angels and demons and beings trying to break the wall in my mind that prevents them from physically interacting with me. This is really bothering me. If it were a delusion then the antipsychotic would have worked, right? I don’t know.


#2

one symptom that cannot, at this present time, be treated fully is delusions. I’m highly stable on my meds but I still have delusional thinking at the back of my mind. I will probably believe these things until i die.

what you are describing sounds like schizophrenia to me. i also had severely religous delusions regarding things you are describing. i cannot post more information because it’s forbidden on this website because of triggering issues, but I believe you have it, my friend.


#3

yes, there is a book called “I’m not sick and don’t need help” or something like that…maybe somebody can post the book…it is a common trait to not think you’re sick or mentally ill…sounds like if you are on an AP it isn’t working or you aren’t taking a high enough dosage…I am not a psychiatrist but you need immediate help…you are unstable. Please tell your mom you need to see a pdoc fast !! take care man. @TheCircleOfFifths


#4

I take 5mg of haldol and 50mg of zoloft. @jukebox

As it stands now we’re moving to another state. I feel better than I did before; my thoughts aren’t so loud, I don’t have bizzare dreams, I don’t see shadows coming for me in the dark, and I hear less ringing, static, whispers, etc. I still hear things sometimes that makes me realize that entities are still trying to break the wall in my mind. I think I’m not psychotic so I don’t need antipsychotics. My mom makes me take my medicine.


#5

please tell a professional psychiatrist what you believe so he can adjust your AP. I can’t stress that enough. You are unstable and you need your meds…please seek help. @TheCircleOfFifths


#6

I will tell the psychiatrist at the next appointment. Thank you @jukebox


#7

Your mom is right. Just about everybody on this site denies having sza when they hear their pdoc give them that diagnosis. Everybody. It’s really quite amazing. I’ve had sza for the last 25 years. I’m unusual in that I never resisted it.

To believe in angels and demons battling for space in your brain sounds like sza psychosis.


#8

I still doubt my SZA dx from time to time.
It’s quite common.


#9

It’s hard to accept this diagnosis especially when the seed keeps telling me not to stop believing.


#10

@TheCircleOfFifths, Not to stop believing what?


#11

@ginalovea2 Everything. Don’t stop believing I’m from another dimension, that I’m being pursued by angels and demons, that people will hurt me, etc. Basically don’t stop believing what I’m told by the seed.


#12

@TheCircleOfFifths you say you’re told something from the seed…that’s unstable talk …there is no seed. whatever that is…


#13

@TheCircleOfFifths, Do you ever get very, very sad? Or have a lot of difficulty sleeping? Or do you ever get irritable? Like get into verbal fights and arguments with friends, family members or strangers? Do you ever spend more money than you can afford? Do you ever get speeding tickets? Do you have multiple sex partners? If you are a man, do you get into fist fights? If you are a woman, do you tend to cry in public? Do you ever get way happier than is normal for you? Do you ever get super productive when you are happy? Do you lay around in bed when you are very sad? Here are a few things that would indicate a sza diagnosis.


#14

The psychiatrist said I had depressive subtype because I get depressed. But they don’t understand that I get depressed because I get stressed out from what the seed tells me. @jukebox the seed is a spiritual pit in my soul that controls my involuntary thoughts. I should stop talking about it because everyone says it’s not real. It’s hard to believe that it’s not real but I will try. It feels unsettling to tell myself it’s not real.

I think there are two warring sides; the seed and my mind. The seed wants to convince my mind of what it says, then my mind gets confused on what is real and what is not. I think that means I’m not psychotic which is a good thing.


#15

your seed reminds me of the scientists that used to talk to me when I was unstable…the seed isn’t real my friend…so you ARE psychotic.


#16

@jukebox I will try to accept this. I have many ideas that people say are delusions. It’s so hard to believe them. I don’t know why. I remember back before I knew about the seed I had brief delusions so I will try to remember that, how ridiculous some of my ideas were. People say I am experiencing a delusion. I will look back on this and think “that was ridiculous.” Maybe. I am trying to distract myself by watching videos on YouTube.


#17

#18

@Moonbeam thank you I forgot the author but I at least got the title right…you are so wise and savvy on the computer !!


#19

FWIW, 5mg of haldol is really a pretty small dose. I agree you probably need a med adjustment. You don’t sound stable.

For reference, I’m on 15mg a day pills plus 100mg/mL shot every 3 weeks plus another 10mg PRN when all of that isn’t enough.


#20

Do your thoughts talk to you? I think if they were my thoughts they wouldn’t talk to me. But maybe they would I dunno.