So today my therapist said that my delusio s aren’t delusions. They’re irrational thinking, anxiety, negative self talk, and depression. This is because I said I know what I think is a delusion But can’t control it. She said you Always believe a delusion.
Thing is I DO believe the delusion while it is happening. I really and truly believe my family wants to kill me when I am in a psychotic state.
Right now I can tell you It isn’t true. Because right now I am mostly symptom free.
I told her it bothers me that people tell me different things about my mental health. She said that happens because it isn’t an exact science and they have to make judgment calls.
So now am I still Sza because my hallucinations are under control and my psychosis is maybe NOT psychosis? WTAF anyway.
They diagnose people when they don’t have medicine, give them medicine which helps the symptoms then undiagnose them. It’s totally stupid. I hear stories like that all the time on this site. If we have insight it doesn’t stop them from being delusions and it certainly doesn’t stop the delusions from disturbing us. For me anyway. When it hits me that my son is not actually alive and that everyone is just going along with it because I’m too mentally fragile to accept his death I feel devastated even though I know the whole thing is just a delusion. That doesn’t mean I don’t have sza, it just means the meds are working half assed and not letting me go full blown psychotic.
Well if you are still having hallucinations on or off, I think that would be enough to qualify you for a schizophrenic diagnosis just based on that. As far as the other symptoms coming and going, that happens to me too.
It’s such a comprehensive diagnosis though that I find it hard to doubt personally, in my case. I’m glad you are mostly symptom free right now enjoy it! Also good that you are having a dialogue with your pdoc, my old one said very little.
I don’t think I’d question my diagnosis, even if I went a year without voices. I’d just figure it’s in remission.
My therapists have always seemed to have qualitative disagreements with my psychiatrists. I have also had them doubt my delusions and similar. But I would go with the psychiatrists opinions every time. Therapists can make observations but they can’t diagnose. Not even clinical psychologists in my country can diagnose.
Might sound a bit strange but I always found therapists to be much more likely to be into ‘trendy’ diagnosis than psychiatrists. Can’t quite exactly describe what I mean by this - kinda like they seem to be into stuff your more likely to hear on a current talk show than a textbook.
It is just crazy ( no pun intended badum dum!) that because I know a behavior is delusional it makes her doubt that is a delusion.
In the grips of it I KNOW that my family is trying to drive me to suicide. That they are gaslighting me, pretending things don’t happen, double talking.
But I don’t think the therapist truly understands how strong the paranoia actually is. She also said once that She wondered if my tactile hallucinations could be overactive imagination. She changed that when I explained how I felt the air move and the breath of the thing crawling to my bed. So there is that.
*edit to add
I know for a fact that during my good cycle I seem perfectly healthy. She has seen me depressive, suicidal, and manic. She doesn’t doubt the bipolar nor did she say she doubted the sza… I am just reading in to it I think
Its weird psychiatrists are better at picking up details than a therapist. The psychiatrist at a partial program I was in diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type just based on depression.
Psychiatrists are good at picking up details. I love my nurse practitioner and therapist but they do not know as much as what the psychiatrists knows in my partial program.
Don’t you wish the doctor could put helmets on both of you and absorb your mental state and be affected by it for like an hour? Then take off the helmets it goes back to normal then talk about what’s up.
