i don’t either. i tell myself i do. but i just moved into a condo. adopted an awesome cat and am getting a car. then all i need is a job. maybe i’ll volunteer.
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I can tell from your posts that you are a smart guy. And even if you are not satisified with yourself right now you have the insight to reach that conclusion which means at least part of you wants to do something about it.
I think you are right about the meds. It’s not a good solution. Meds make us dark I think. Junkies who use recreational drugs often steal, lie and deceive. I don’t think most of them were like that initially. The drugs probably darkened their mind. AP’s are far from that bad, but I think they have a touch of it too. I felt myself letting go of my standards the first time they put me on AP, and I’ve never really managed to get back to the standards I had before. My mind just works differently now. I’m not blaming all on meds, but it’s definitly a big negative factor.
So I guess the best solution is to work on recovery. Staying stable. Getting by with as little meds as possible. Be patient. Just because you can’t change your meds any time soon, doesen’t mean it can’t happen in the future. Many people report that their symptoms ease as they get older.
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In CBT, I learned about self compassion. Being easy, understanding, and not so hard on yourself. It’s a hard concept, but worth accepting. Be easier on yourself. You have a lot of stress in your life. You are going through some dark times. But you still have self worth. I think our worst critics in life are ourselves. Try not to judge yourself too much and acknowledge your faults, but also acknowledge your strengths and see the goodness in yourself because there is a lot there.
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Its okay to feel low sometimes. Just know that a good day is coming. Try and do something nice for yourself. It makes me think back to college when me and a friend went to a job fair. We bought suit jackets. Afterwards we had a party in our suit jackets. It was hilarious! And it was just fun To dress up and feel good. Maybe put a tie on today and pretend like you are a business man.
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Sorry you are feeling not so great atm.
I hope things get better for you.
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Good one. I know this is Joker’s thread but I really needed to see that today. Thanks for posting, you helped more than you thought! 
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I agree! 15151515
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You’re on the downward swing of your usual cycles. 
Was there a particular trigger this time that you can identify?
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It was some really disturbing things and the other stuff is self bullying
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I am away at the moment and I am struggling to socialise with my relatives
The drinkers won’t let me get away after evening meals without trying peer pressure tactics
Just can’t and don’t want to drink more than 1 beer as I am on a med change - plus I don’t want to
Also I am struggling with paranoia about the other guests but that’s a side issue
I guess the change of environment is difficult and I miss my dog
First world problems I guess, but I am easily triggered these days
Not sure if my dose needs raising or not. I have been told to if needed, but I am reluctant to do so
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Not first world problems. The first line of defense against SZ/SZa is medication. The second line of defense is stress management. It’s no wonder you’re cycling, man. Suggest talking to your parents and laying out very strict and narrow parameters for visiting. Stress that going outside of them can cause you to relapse.
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I don’t know whether to increase the meds or put up with the stressors causing symptoms
Have been given the freedom to increase it if needed
Tried speaking to my mother and she spoke to my stepdad but being the kind of person he is, after he got drunk the peer pressure began anyway
Don’t know what to do
I am not a fan of alcohol or what it does to people
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Living with negative symptoms is the worst, and it’s difficult to talk about with people cause they’ll either be annoyed, want to “fix” it, or both. I feel like shell of person and an energy vampire.
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You’ve said this before, I think you’re wrong about this. You’re not rude or mean to anyone and your answers to people are often nice and respectful and helpful. You’re just being too hard on yourself. I think you’re nice but the problem is that you don’t have enough people in your life acknowledging it. You need people to point it out every now and then. I walk around feeling shitty about myself a lot too but I have my sister or my stepmom to point out that I’m a nice person. I need to be reminded. So do you.
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I constantly remind myself mentally about all I have done wrong in the past - especially when I was an addict
Some of the stuff is not good and I hate the person it made me at the time
Not sure about the whole concept of repentance but I try my best
It’s good to hear that I am making a contribution to people here in the way you describe
Need to do some soul searching I think to move on
The community rehab fixed my drug problem but never picked up the pieces after
It was a real mess
But I guess there must be an answer to the riddle of being able to forgive yourself and others during the rough times everyone must have during their lifetime
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If Anything ever drives my wife away it will be neg symptoms, with me ending up homeless. Somebody mentioned a similar divorced/homeless scenario earlier and it struck a tone with me cause its one of my biggest fears. At least I have the cognitive ability still to get myself arrested and keep a roof over my head.
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I feel like the problem is our society at present only reinforces this view while also telling us that we can ‘fix it within ourselves’.
So it’s like not only are you a problem to yourself for being negative, but the world consistently sets you up to make it out to be ‘you’ and not the world.
“Fix it within yourself” is gaslighting to me…
Some people are there are wisening up to this too and calling therapy itself a form of gaslighting.
What I can’t understand is my understanding of childhood trauma has taught me that with neglect and abandonment you expect to be alone and abandoned consistently and it’s ‘just your perception’.
But the way things are pretty much reinforce that view for me. And if its true that its my perception how the hell can you expect to get out of that bind? It’s like you’re in a hole and your perception see’s nothing is going to help it out… and nothing does. So… yeah…
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This seems like a pretty inappropriate thing to say about legit therapy. Do you even know what gaslighting means? Suggesting therapists as a whole are attempting to trick you into questioning your own sanity seems inappropriate and wrong.
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