I don’t believe i’m sick

hi.
well…i lost another friend and now i have none but my treatment team and my mind.
i feel so alone.
but i trust no one.
today, the voices were loud.
but i refuse to believe that they were voices.
they’re simply thoughts
is that what you want me to say?
i’m questioning my reality.
i feel like i just need to snap out of it and act right.
i don’t have schizoaffective.
it’s a lie.
my brain is just programmed this way.
i’m having a difficult time accepting that i have an “illness”.
pfft.
i fell on the floor while running to see my psychiatrist.
they told me not to tell my psychiatrist.
but i did.
and now i feel like i am overreacting.
if i was, i wouldn’t have to question my reality dammit
i wish they’d shut up.
you wanna call it thoughts? fine.
i’m up to 300mg of seroquel.
i just want someone to understand me

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I am sorry you are struggling with this. I am too. It is hard to believe others over your own mind.

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I’ve often denied, doubted and questioned whether I’m truly mentally ill or not but after reading more about mental illnesses online I finally came to the conclusion that I do have mental illnesses and that I’ll most likely have them to some degree or another for the rest of my life. I’m prescribed 500mg Seroquel nightly and 50mg Seroquel twice daily as needed but I’ve been doing ok with just 400mg. With all the supplements I just started taking again on top of the vegetable fast I want and need to go on I’m hoping to taper down to just about 100mg soon.

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ugh…
just took 4 melatonin pills
a total of 12mg
so they can shut up.
they told me they would after i took them but now they’re shouting, “more! more! more!”
i have the bottle next to me.
i don’t dare give in.
but damn, it’s mighty difficult.

i also talked to god though i don’t think he will ever forgive me anymore.
he’s tired of me i can feel it.
it’s my fault.
everything.

Nothing is your fault, I used to think the same way, thoughts like it will go away in time or I’m really fine. None of it was true and years later I have accepted I’m SZA, take my meds and life is going on better now.

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That’s a toxic site.

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Sorry to hear you’re suffering so much

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Take your time. If i would have take my time to sort me out i would have saved myself a lot of suffering. Now i am 49 years old and on social security. My life is pleasant compared as it was when i stressed about to proof if i got sz or not.

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I often question if I’m mentally ill but, for me, I know I am better off on the medication. Sorry you are having these problems. And I hope coming here helps with the loneliness.

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Yeh it is encouraging delusions

No matter what i think the voices are, wether my own thoughts or outside forces, if their loud they bug me so much. The trick is to get on the right meds that make them go away. Seroqeul was a terrible med for me. Try abilify, an antipsychotic, and wellbutrin for depression. Thats just a suggestion because they got rid of the voices for me. A month ago i was still psychotic like i had been for that year, but the meds are kicking in and like you said’i just want to snap out of it’ you can with the right meds. That was the truth in my case anyway. On a side note your beautifull. Hope this makes you feel a little better @Sunshine

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