I feel like my psychosis symptoms help me give meaning to a life that feels purposeless. During my episodes at least I feel like I have something to do, some purpose to fulfill, even if I’m suffering greatly. Now I just feel like this is it? Just get up every day and do my silly little tasks and go to work and repeat? I need some passion, some excitement. I’m thinking about taking a road trip to the next state over soon just to give myself something to do. I have everything I could possibly want right now but there’s that hole again.
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I get that. I feel like that with mania. And when I’m not manic, I’m sometimes wishing I were because, despite that no sleeping drives me mad, I’m productive. I miss it when I don’t have it. And Grookey, even if you feel like you have no purpose, you do. Just your contributions on this forum alone make that apparent. You’re an awesome person with so much to give and some of the best hair around. 
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I think wanting to explore and have new experiences is healthy and normal.
However, if there’s deep-seated unease with yourself, you should try exploring that in therapy
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My meds turned me into zombie. 
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I know what you mean, ive had this feeling recently though not right now
In one of my previous episodes, i believed that i was a goddess sent to humanity to solve the main problems of humanity
When that was over, I’m like what do i do with my life
But i was also suffering because i kept having really strong impositions of what the other gods wanted me to do
Ive also had other examples with other episodes that i won’t go into
Recently i have been able to get back into activities and these give me a sense of purpose
Like music or drawing or writing
Even if i do it differently to how i used to
Of course when psychotic symptoms come again, i get mixed up with which motives are mine or which are inserted / or are delusions
But at least having the activities gives me something to look forward to, to keep doing
Hope things can go well for you <3
if you do take the road trip, have fun
Either way i hope the hole can be filled
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I go through periods of boredom, contentment, no motivation, motivation, feeling good, and feeling like ■■■■. Right now it’s 3:58 am, my nephew is sleeping on the couch, and I’m on this site listening to chill music. I feel pretty good, but didn’t earlier. I think for me part of the feeling bad means I will feel good later on. Maybe you need to find some mindless hobby or thing to distract you. I feel best when I’m into something. It can just be a one hour video on politics or watches or music. Anything you can get focused on and lost in.
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