Schizophrenia.com

I deserve it

My economy is tanking. Some unexpected expenses came up, and I have to choose between food and a place to stay soon, if I can’t convince my mum to lend me the money.
She’s already told me how much she’s giving me for an early birthday present, but it’s not enough to make ends meet.
With this freelancing I’m essentially doing two full-time jobs and it’s still not enough.

Even thinking of asking her for more money makes me feel like a greedy ■■■■■.

This is all my fault. I should be working harder, making more money, maybe have saved up more before I moved.

I’m a stupid ■■■■, a garbage pos and I deserve everything that’s coming to me.
I fail at life.

I’m about to have my third anxiety meldown in 3 days from the stress and I doubt I’ll sleep tonight, but I need to keep doing as many freelance gigs as possible if I want a fighting chance at surviving another month.

This is all my fault. Stupid ass ■■■■■.

Don’t mind me, I don’t really expect any response. I just needed to vent and feel like I’m not the only one in the world who knows about this.

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it’s good that you vented…

i hope you find a way to pay for the expenses…

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You can always make more money, have you thought about an overdraft or loan to keep the wolves at bay, I’m sure you’d get approved with two full time jobs

The IRA are reading my thoughts also and the technology actually exists. There are no schizophrenics

I’m sorry for your situation.

If I were in your shoes,

I’d ask my mom for the extra cash.

Even if it is humiliating.

She’s your mother, she doesn’t want you to starve or be homeless, I’m sure.

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I can’t get a loan or an overdraft because I owe the government money :confused:

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Any valuables you could sell? Ask for a raise?

How much do you need?

Ask for the help, its not like youve been spending your money all on stupid shiit. Unexpected life expenses come up so dont feel ashamed !

It seems to me that blame is a discharge of pain, that it serves to make us think the universe has a personal reason or purpose for us. It makes us feel less helpless. It gives us the illusion that the world has an order, or that justice is an inherent quality in the Cosmos.

My best thought is: the world is random and cruel. Be kind.

Being kind includes being kind to yourself. I don’t see this blame for yourself as helpful.
Things happen.
Sh*t gets real.
None of that means you DESERVE this.

Thinking you deserve things like this will lead to the inevitable question, “What did I do wrong?” And then your mind will give you an answer. It won’t be a true one.

I know you didn’t ask for advice, so I’ll leave that bit out. I just responded so that you know we hear you, and we support you. You aren’t alone. :hugs:

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I’ve burdened her so much in the past tho. And she’s got my other siblings who also need her

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You have not at all been a burden on her.

You have been doing the best you can do with the challenges you face and she knows that

I’m sorry you are dealing with so much. It isn’t your fault. You are doing your best. Your company should be paying you a living wage. It isn’t your fault they are not.

If you have to choose between food and housing, choose housing. With an address, you can start trying to qualify for social welfare programs. You can always get creative about finding ways to eat. Make friends with grocery workers who can let you know when they throw out food. Do the free survey on the back of a McDonalds receipt for a free sandwich (if those exist in your country). Find your local food pantry. I do NOT recommend this as a a course of action, but I used to have an online dating profile and go on dates for the free food. It is much easier to find food than to find housing.

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I’d need at least 400€ to make ends meet. I can’t ask anyone for that amount!
I’ve messaged her and explained the situation and asked if there’s any way she can increase the amount she’ll be giving me for my birthday, but I feel really shitty about it.

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