Utterly depressed

I am utterly felled by the depression. It has been a few days of hell. I feel utterly despondent and useless. Nothing cheers me up. I have terrible urges to cut. My 5mg olanzapine twice a day is not working, I think I need the solian again. oh God I do not know how to survive this hell. I wish I was in hospital I need a break, I cannot cope, my husband needs me and I cant be there for him, this makes me feel even worse. Intrusive thoughts play into my head, voices threaten to resurface. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

You are only useful to him if you are functional and alive. You already know what to do. What is left is only to stop blaming yourself over the things that are out of your control and to stop feeling guilty because you need a time out.
Talk to your husband. Check into the hospital.
I wish you luck from the bottom of my hearth.

I’m so sorry you feel like this. Talk to your pdoc immediately or check into the hospital.

Hope you feel better really soon.

Are you lost? This worked for me.

You are with great certainty, simply lost.

Please post here what works and continues to work for you.

Please don’t post anything or everything else.

Now, I’m 35 year old male and I will turn 36 next Jan 19th.

For the past 7 to 10 days I’ve been living a life I used to live when I was 16.

I am still unable to have interest and motivation because of anti-psychotic Olanzapine.

The anti-psychotic Olanzapine is not good for memory, it’s anti memory something.

Every night I take 20 mg Olanzapine.

Since birth my memory is bad.

My working memory doesn’t exist or almost nil.

My long term memory is completely bad.

When it’s Jan 2016 Jan 1st I get a thought, is it 2016 already, yesterday was 2015 Jan 1st.

My memory is that bad.

I struggled all my life with this or that

and my struggles are more pronounced starting from 19.

I’m not sure when Schizophrenia became more pronounced,

it’s there since birth or since I was taking shape in my Mother’s womb.

May be it ( Schizophrenia ) started being more pronounced when I was 19 year old male.

If you download my posts from my profile you will know that there is lots of

garbage or excess baggage and me being nonsensical through out my life.

I used some medication,

some health supplements

and, some nootropics.

I don’t want to post garbage here.

I just want to post what works and continues to work for me.

Selegiline 20 mg for depression

and, Vitamin B6 100 mg

and Olanzapine 20 mg for Paranoid type Schizophrenia.

So here is what works for me ( posted once more ).

Selegiline 20 mg for depression

Vitamin B6 100 mg -

When I first started B6 there was an amazing realization that B6 actually works from day one.

and last but not least…

Olanzapine 20 mg for Paranoid type Schizophrenia.

I’ve Schizophrenia + Depression.

Amygdala - Depression

is the cause of my VIOLENT Behavior.

Watch this video

from time 39 minutes 21 seconds to 40 minutes 24 seconds

39:21 to 40:24

Amygdala - Violence [ negative life ]

And…Saadiqah…I’m sure he can manage a few days without you.

I’m sorry to hear that your having a hard time.
Calm down, take a deep breath.
I hope it will pass soon.

The most importantly, take all the support you can think of.

Keep in mind that you can get through this. It will end in time. Take some time for yourself. Do whatever you need to do to weather this storm as comfortably as you can. Talk to your doctor about a med change. Olanzapine made me depressed too, but in my case it wasn’t overwhelming. You are not a useless person. You have an illness, and you can get better from it.

@EarthChild, I would call your pdoc ASAP tell him/her about your situation and how you are feeling.

Mention that you are doing worse without the Solian - Hang in there!

it will end eventually…think positive

I must say when I miss Olanzapine dose I used to become very violent.

Even 20 mg Olanzapine doesn’t stop violence.

When I lowered my dose to 10 mg Olanzapine I was very violent.

When I used to take 20 mg Olanzapine and 4 mg Resperidone there was no anger

it was like heaven.

I quit Resperidone because I came to know

that it’s the cause of decreased sexual activity

and it causes hormonal problems

can give me male breasts.

20 mg Selegiline solved my problem.

Olanzapine 20 mg is not good for memory.

My memory without Olanzapine is already bad and now it gets even worse

but got to take the anti psychotic

Violence and or failure is not your or mine ( our ) character, it’s the disease, the underlying cause.

You came back @EarthChild, you may want to have a meds change, I take 30mg olanzapine a day and then 600mg quetiapine and I feel quite good, I also take some vitamins such as vitamin D and I have not felt depression for some time. Sometimes I feel quite energetic and lively. So I came from my 2-month break back now.


check yourself in to psych hospital…you need a break

You may want to call some professional MI people, where I am we have a telephone number for acute cases and people can call 7/24 and tell about their situation, I do not know if you have something like this in South Africa.

maybe you should ask you doctor about trying Solian again, and tell him everything that is happening, you sound like you need help from a professional mental health carer, will pray you get help and get better.

I know how you feel. I felt empty and void the past few days as well. No motivation or drive to do anything but sleep. I think the Fall weather is really getting to us. I was just fine throughout Summer & Spring. It’s the weather & being locked indoors all day to protect from the cold that is getting to me.

Does your husband understand your coming to this forum now?

here is the biggest bear :bear: hug i can manage :heart:
if you get desperate ring a crisis line :telephone_receiver:
they are good people :man: :woman:
take care :alien: