Schizophrenia.com

I can't keep doing this forever


#1

I’m losing my touch with reality, I’m not being nice at all to people and wish to be alone most of the time.

Right now I’ve been arguing with my gf, we argued last night and she threw a dish and broke it and now I’m not sure of how to function with her. I get bossed around and beaten by these voices and I just can’t stand being beaten awake e3very morning. The voices just won’t ever go away, there’s no escape and I’m giving up on myself and my environment.

I really try to ground myself, but I have this fear that I’ll be permanently psychotic…and I really don’t enjoy living at all. Does anyone have a tip?


#2

it seems my suffering won’t end either. You got to at least be nice to your gf. Try to separate yourself into two selves the suffering side that distrusts and despises everyone for their secret and the side that you should be. It’s really up to you to determine how to behave. Our symptoms don’t exist on the surface of things that’s the world you have to plug yourself into.


#3

I totally agree, yet the lines are being blurred…I’m overflowing with stress and aggression from my symptoms and no one around me seems to know or really care. I’m trying my best to stay sincere and communicate what I’m going through but it doesn’t matter…because everyone is sick of me around here lol…

This sucks, the beatings won’t stop and all my human rights and freedoms seem gone. I’m really bitter, hatefully walking in shame every day from the beatings I get.


#4

One of the things I’ve overheard my friends say. At least I don’t walk around thinking I’m cool. In my delusion they are all telepathic. Something about me upsets them to the core. They tolerate me and brush it off like it’s not happening but they don’t ever reach out. Schizophrenia is suffering in silence.


#5

Hang in there @neveragain - hope you find some peace soon


#6

I too have had a delusion of telepathy in other people. What helps most of the time is saying to myself “If I were them, would my action be justifiable?” most of the time you realize that their action is indeed a justifiable action. As much as it may pain you at first. You start to learn to not get so offended and build up a thick skin if you just put yourself in others shoes and realize they’re not out to get you, but really they’re just acting justly. And most of the time people are. Try it, it works for me at least.


#7

Are you takn meds at the moment?


#8

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#9

They are just being themselves and I am just being myself in a more just world everyone would get along. Instead they did this to me for my extreme open mindedness and a crazy passionate belief in the counter point. I will say that the counter point has dwindled. They have proven to me what I needed to see to mature through this, but they are still not going to stop.


#10

It seems this guys biggest issue is voices. He should sort that part out first, at least as best he can. Xanax and many anti-anxiety drugs can be addictive. I would always suggest APs and antidepressents before this as they are not addictive by virtue of how they work


#11

sometimes someone will go “chhhhhhh” in response to something funny I say. kind of a fake laugh. in the past I would think they’re out to get me, but now I realize by putting myself in their shoes, they weren’t justified to laugh in that situation but “chhhhh” is their way of kind of trying to be nice and laugh or not being able to because their ego is in the way. and I will just smile now. I used to get real paranoid. a non-schizophrenic will continue talking while smiling after someone goes “chhhhh” while I will just smile. I’m making steps towards normalcy by thinking this way. I get what you mean, in a perfect world, but I think even us we will go “chhhh” sometimes. Nothing is perfect. It’s part of being human to go “chhhhhh”.


#12

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#13

Yes. I take lurasidone, trazodone, prazosin, abilify, Zoloft, gabapentin, all sorts of pills.

Every…horrible night. And I still wake up a lot, sometimes four times a night. They beat me awake in the morning, they take turns raping me.

It’s like the medicine changes my mood…but the symptoms are still there???

I dunno I’ve worked for YEARS to get a good medication regimen but it’s just not doing anything for the beatings and ■■■■.


#14

Yeah, schizophrenia is hard to get used to. In my first year with it I went steadily downhill. My second year I made no progress but I didn’t get worse. And I went through some intense suffering during those two years. Looking back after 35 years with schizophrenia I see that alcohol and drugs were not good for me. Drugs are bad of course, but drinking alcohol…only leads to drinking MORE alcohol. Recovery is a slow process sometimes measured in years. If I was you I would do just the basics for my recovery. Take medication, talk to a psychiatrist or therapist, avoid all drugs, don’t fight the people who are trying to help you, keep an open mind and take suggestions. Maybe some kind of-support group would be helpful for you. In a group you will get support plus it’s good to be around people and socialize even in that setting. You’re lucky you have a girlfriend at all, you can read on here how some of us can’t even get that. You have to know intellectually at least that being around people is good, isolating can be bad.


#15

Yes I drink a lot, at least a 12 pack a day sometimes. I’m chewing nicotine gum again, but have been smoking the last week. I’m just falling apart. I even have a hard time controlling my bowels because of the rape symptoms. I’m dying from the inside out it feels lol.


#16

Maybe you’re on too many meds. Just a thought. I take my anti-psychotic (high dose), a nice anti-epilepsy pill which helps keep me stable too and a benzo and it does the trick. I feel if I were on an anti-depressant I would go nuts. My doctor always says “Gotta be careful with anti-depressants”…But I’m not a doctor.

And yeah the symptoms are still there…the mood changes. But it helps keep it in line. Fortunately I’ve only heard voices on seldom occasions. Definitely don’t when I’m on meds.


#17

I’m pretty much on the verge of giving up. I just don’t see the reason to get better anymore because everything is a ■■■■ mess in my life.

I’m so thankful for my girlfriend, and all my friends. But they don’t believe me, I keep telling them that I think that these (symptoms) are real. They’re real and there’s no escape or peace. Sometimes, I wish I would have died when I ODed


#18

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#19

Everyone has an opinion , that shouldnt stop you from posting


#20

I’m lashing out at people…I’m losing so much strength day to day. I’m falling apart. She has dealt so much with me…but it seems when our lease is up she’ll leave me. We just got done speaking about it. I’m sad, but I can’t handle my life right now. I dunno what else to do. I don’t see a reason to even keep going. I may go up to the va, but I know they’ll follow me these voices no matter where I am. I hate it.