Risperidone was messing with my hormones and my pdoc doesn’t want me on more than one antipsychotic. You’re on 3 right? Are they helping?
I am on 3. The last resort for treatment resistant patients, except clozapine
I don’t know your age, or the laws in your location, but can you ask your therapist to speak with them alone?
@Om_Sadasiva maybe you should try clozapine? I know it’s scary but it might help you out.
@Ninjastar You mean my pdoc? I always talk to my therapist alone. My mom sits in on my pdoc sessions though. I’m scared I will have to go to the hospital if I tell them how I’m feeling.
Oh by the way I am 19
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The soul, ok.
and dying a martyr’s death.
The gov programs are known physically, and also mentally thru Pavlov’s dog.
I don’t think your’e getting that.
you have classic symptoms of schizophrenia.
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Maybe I should. Don’t be afraid. You should tell your pdoc everything
@Daze I am not getting what? I don’t understand I’m sorry.
@Om_Sadasiva I think my mom would be pissed if I had to go back to the hospital. I’ve been twice this year.
If you should then do it. Don’t care about others. Just care about your mental health first
My mom tells me to think about other things but I don’t want to think about other things. I want to figure this out.
Okay. I think I will tell my therapist.
you said you think gov is keeping tabs on you,
that was my response.
Yeah I think the government is watching me but people say that’s a delusion. I am just trying to think clearly. So you don’t think the government is watching me is that what you’re saying? Oh I don’t know I am hopeless.
I don’t think you’re a fake @Sardonic. I think you’re really struggling and need to go to the hospital if that’s what it takes. I don’t know if you’ve had a bad experience there or what but it could definitely be for the best. Please consider it and take care of yourself.
You’re 19. Your mom shouldn’t be going to pdoc appointments with you at all. I’m surprised your doc is allowing this.
You might go to the hospital, and might not. If you talk about having suicidal thoughts, they’ll ask questions about whether or not you have a plan, whether you want to die, if you think you’re safe with yourself, and other things. Depending on your answers, they might change your meds, increase your therapy visits, and/or hospitalize you.
@disciple Thank you for saying that. I am struggling but I’m also really scared I’m just faking it. I try to just stop struggling but it doesn’t work. I like to think too much for my own good I guess. I think and listen to the beings and get all twisted up in my head. I know I should distract myself but I just don’t. It’s easier to just think.
@Ninjastar She goes in with me always. I know it’s not normal but she likes to tell the doctor what she observes and stuff too. Plus she wants to make sure I don’t tell them too much I think. Don’t quote me on that but I think that’s what’s happening. I don’t want to die, I am scared. But I also am afraid that I will destroy the world and that my death will save the world from darkness.
@Daze I think I am deep in it. That scares me. No one has made a move despite what I talk about on here. Maybe they just think I am crazy. Either way I am special and the government knows it. I believe they are watching.
If your symptoms are so bad that you have thoughts of lying down on the freeway, you really need to talk with someone.
Are you taking your meds regularly as prescribed? Your pdoc can advise you on whether you need a med adjustment at this point.
In your next pdoc appointment, can you tell them you want to speak with them alone (without your mom present)? Please just be honest with the doctor and tell them about your symptoms and about your thoughts of harming yourself.
Hang in there! I went through something similar. Thinking I had to kill myself to save others! I tried! Don’t try! Please! It isn’t true! I realized this myself later.
@Moonbeam You’re right. I do need to talk to someone because I can’t keep this up for much longer. I am taking my meds yes. My mom makes sure of it. If she weren’t here I would’ve stopped by now. I don’t think they’re doing anything but my mom says I’m much better than I was earlier this year. I think my mom will be mad if I tell them that I’m feeling suicidal but like I said I can’t keep this up.
@Hop3 To be honest fear is the main thing stopping me. I guess that’s a good thing. But I feel a twisted sense of guilt for not killing myself when I know it’s for the good of the world. I am conflicted. I mean, who doesn’t want to save the world? But also, who wants to die? I have so much to live for, but it would mean nothing if the world is destroyed by the darkness or if I go dark side. I have the potential to do so much evil.
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So what if your mom gets pissed? As bad as you sound you need to go to the ER or bug your doctor
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Your mom locks your meds up so you can’t take them?