Ok, maybe theres my vices beneath all that paranoia and anxiety… Maybe my anger and my hate towards the others… i work on it…
But I’ll have to take my new debit card some of these days from my bank, too stations away from here… and only thinking of it, i have my tactile and physical hallucinations in my body… they are painful…
I cant ask no one to do it for me, i am paranoid even from my friends, ashamed too…
Maybe if i take a klonopin in the day for it? Its not a big deal if ill be stoned i think yeah…
Tbh, i feel fear cause i see looked at outside… and i am worried, that I’ll be seen as a coward tbh… even my emotions are weak and negative,cause the fear governs me…
Its okay even to be scared? 
yeap, i am still not gentle with me maybe lol…
My friends want already to see me on a better level in my life, not being traumatized by the terror of my dads thrashings… do i justify myself now with this? Yeah…
Tbh, i could have rebelled at the time, beat as ■■■■ his ass etc but instead, i turned sick and scared and angry… but this guy was real scary tbh… i was a kid too…
But yeah, the worst is when i feel physically my fear…
Take care all
You knew the fear too, folks? It gets physical sometimes, right?
My ex pdoc was saying, that i cant think because of my paranoia and anxiety yeap… the fear owned me yotally in fact, till this mi yeap…
Yeah, weve tried almost all the meds for it, but my personality was degraded too, it cant really be fixed by meds… the zyprexa maintains me some minimum and now, i need to change… the docs taljed to me about years for a recovery in my case around all that… i do try some activities now more than before.
But eho else was very scared too from almost everything in his/her worst? 
I feel like a coward around that tbh, but maybe i shouldnt hate myself for that… one lady told me, that no one would understand my fear which is so strong still…
Who else knows the fear too? Yeah…
Idk if theres always fear in paranoid sz…
Hi! My auditory hallucinations make me scared sometimes. I can’t think very clearly when I am paranoid and scared. It happened to me about a week ago once. On latuda I was scared more often.
I had my fear all day long for the last 10 years in fact… yeah, i couldn’t think because of it too. My emotions were oppressed to by it…
I am severe yeap… the meds didnt work very well on me…
I am full of vices too now tbh 
And i was always alone in my illness, it lasted for 30 years in fact…
Maybe ill get better now finally yeap… but it was crazy to be so isolated and alone… i didnt live till now, never…
Ok, i find my sz different i guess… i come from a family where my father was beating my mom and my sister… maybe this played in my illness… i also dont get psychotic breaks, my thing is chronical all day long, idk why i have this…
And my best friends were saying in my back, that i am ugly…
Whatever… i still fall into mean stuff i guess… my father probably destroyed me…
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