I am still a teenager at 30 y.o

My SZ is so severe that it stopped my growth into adulthood, symptoms like hearing voices started at 16 y.o. I had catatonia. I have the intelligence of a teenager. I fight over nothing, no one can stand me. I can’t get a job anymore, not even a gf.

All I do is eat and play videogames.
I am just a nerd teenager.

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Unfortunately it’s up to you to get past this way of thinking and do more.

No one else is going to do it for you as most of it has to come from you

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Go outside !

Its midnight here in Ontario, and I’m sipping ice coffee and writing poetry in my car in the parking lot of my old highschool.

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I have tried very hard for over 9 years. I gave up.
My gf left me because I don’t have money to pay rent and buy stuff. No disability money because I live with my parents. I quit 15 different jobs after 1-2 weeks some were paid over 32+$/h. My university degree in physiotherapy is useless.
My psychiatrist wrote on my diagnosis SZ with negative symptoms, apathy and avolition.

I know that I sound negative but that’s my reality.
I am just a nerd teenager.

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And that was your choice, and it’s up to you to change that.

I did the same when I was an ill teenager

I disagree. My cousin makes a fortune with this degree

If you have no drive then that’s fine, but be prepared to not progress.

It would be a waste of your life to stick with giving up

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My parents say the same thing that I gave up because I am blaming everything on SZ.
But my psychiatrist disagrees with them.
He also tested my IQ, its below average.
He says its my SZ making me give up on life.

My parents didn’t even believe that I have SZ.

That’s ok, it seems like it is not your fault :smiley:

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Well if you have the luxury of not doing anything to earn you way, then I guess you need to carry on as you were.

All I am trying to do is point out that this is not a lost cause, and your attitude is holding you back.

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When I quit work its because it causes me stress, sometimes my hand shake from stress. I just rage quit by not telling anyone. They call me the next day and tell me that I am fired.

I wasn’t like that before my SZ. I wasn’t a coward. I think its the catatonia that made me lifeless. I was frozen without feelings and motion for many minutes many times a day, even my eyes would freeze for a couple of minutes with an empty mind. I remember my mom hitting me and yelling at me from her fear of my SZ to make me talk or move. I didn’t react to any environmental stimuli. Its the worst feeling a human can experience, it felt like death.

sorry, i feel you. my parents are very dictatorship on my upbringing too. my parents don’t care about my feelings. because to them it’s irrelavant to them, which is important to me. they don’t know how to love correctly yet they are as if telling me indirectly that they loves me which by fact are crap.
you don’t see parents with child of schizophrenia telling others that his/her child has schizophrenia when their children acts up. but some parents for austim does. both are mental illness yet we are treated differently. because it’s abnormal for a person who looks seemingly normal to act crazy. no one in this world can accept this facts. people are forcing us to become who they WANT us to be. but not letting us be who we REALLY are.

michael a.k.a lordarous

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they don’t care what happened to you that u experienced that made you become like this, all they care are why did their child becomes abnormal. so why can’t parents accept their child as they are, for some, special? i would love to slap truths into their faces as i say this piece, “just like i can’t choose my parents, you can’t choose how your child character or whatever your child comes out to be. (so stop forcing a square into a circle, because that’s what you are doing now, you are forcing me to become who i cannot be which by right you guys should assist me to become who i CAN BE)”

michael a.k.a lordarous

Sorry that you’re having issues with your parents.
My mom was just yelling and hitting me because I was catatonic. Do you know what’s catatonia?
Its because I was really frozen for a couple of minutes many times a day. She was trying to make me talk or move. My mind was completely dead. Catatonia feels like death.

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My mom says I act like a teenager. I do my chores and take care of my dog, but I struggle with keeping my room clean and regulating my emotions. She says I’m getting better though, so that’s good.

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I am happy that I didn’t have the dangerous catatonia type, only had stupor.
Excitatory catatonia is life-threatening and the person becomes a danger to himself and his surrounding.

But catatonia still feels like death. Its the worst feeling one can get and its that that destroyed my brain permanently. I hope they find a med for it and for negative and cognitive symptoms.

From Wikipedia Excited Catatonia:
“It is commonly cited as one of the most dangerous mental states in psychiatry.”

Thanks, that feels comforting :slightly_smiling_face:

I have had catatonia too.

Sucks

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I feel exactly the same way Aziz. I’ve even used the exact phrasing. I genuinely don’t know if I can break out of it and how to grow. I don’t feel skilled or confident or organised enough to work.

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I feel the same way too @Aziz. I’m nearly 36 and dependant on my husband financially and to accompany me in the car as I don’t have licence and I never really had a job - just a casual job for a few months before I got married but my depression and avolition made it hard to show up regularly. I still have bad avolition can’t even write or paint regularly and struggle to keep house properly clean. I don’t socialise either - just want to withdraw from society.

I guess I’m worse than a teenager because even they’d socialise and have a license

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I’m 26 and I feel like I still have the mind of a 18 year old when I was first diagnosed. or maybe even the mind of a 16 year old. I feel like once I started this AP, I stopped experiencing life to it’s full extent. I have progressed over these past 8 years in terms of material possessions, but as far as meaningful relationships I haven’t made progress since I started high school. I feel like I could be the richest man in the world in terms of material possessions and I would still feel poor emotionally and relationship wise. Nothing can give me back the years of my life I didn’t get to experience at least to some degree. I can say in 8 years I’ve managed to get disability, food stamps, federal housing, medicaid/medicare, yet I still feel like a broke loser.

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