Sorry again, i really am trying to stand up on my feet but i turned paranoid now…
I did my ocd in front of my neighbors today, in 12 am too, ritualizing on the lock of the window…
The thing is that i run away when they see me doing this and since a time, am sure that they know that i am a cuckoo 
Am scared that they’ll be scared by me now… or that theyll hate me , but mainly scared by me…
I also watch them mainly to see if they watch me, but they already know that i am sick, am sure of that…
I got in pain now…
What would you think of me, if you were my neighbor and see me doing my ocd, hiding from you, when you are on your balcony etc? 
The thing is, that around that, i felt my heart beating for once, i even had a lift of emotions lol yeap… am really trying to heal lately, but i was sick for too long, so itll take time still…
Should i worry about the neighbors? I find myself really scary tbh, they see that i watch them… but i do it only to be sure, that they dont watch me… but they dont know that so yeah…
Gosh, idk if tomorrow , ill forget about them…
Have you seen the movie NEIGHBORS with John Belushi and Dan Ackroyd? Hilarious.
If I saw you doing things like checking the door lock over and over I’d know what you were doing but not everyone is that informed. I had OCD for years on clozeril and when I went off they went away but I don’t blame the medicine. I remember spotting something in a store window passing by and when I reached five blocks away having to go back for a second look, thinking about it the whole way, and other behavior. I must not have had it as bad as you.
Last night I played my mandolin and it was late, almost 11 p.m. and when I stepped out of the apartment to go get the mail I heard my neighbor clap behind his closed door which was kind of creepy.
Hey man, take it as a compliment, as it was intended
I don’t think you have any reason to be scared. Maybe they think you are odd, but that doesn’t mean they think bad about you.
You are probably a good neighbour who don’t bother people 
Ok, thanks 
yes, i am a good neighbor, i try my best too
I was just drained by the ocd yesterday, i really felt about myself, that this is turning even crazier now… Tbh though, between all that, i felt my emotions for the first time in long time lol… In fact, i have a bunch of adrenaline probably around my ocd, it kicked me in the head heh…
Thanks for answering lol 
My mother says, that they dont even see me, but this is not true, am spotted already by my neighbors, am sure of that… I will just hope, that they dont fear me heh…
Huggies
Ok, i made my ocd on the window again, i dont want to freak out my neighbours tbh, maybe i look phony sheesh…
I’ll try to calm down now, that my window wont break soon, my ocd starts to look like a real madness now gosh…
anyway, am shaking now, this affects my mood, but maybe i’ll beat that too one day…
Are the neighbours afraid of me now? for the rest, am trying to pull my mind out of the hell, i was very unconscious before, almost as blind and deaf even, i start to see that theres is nothing scary about me, cause i really try to remain a good person still, but maybe this ocd of mine looks scary for the others… idk if they know what is an ocd, but they probably already know, that i am a sz too… 
What would you think, pals, if you see your neighbour doing an ocd on his window, but hides from you, when he realizes, that you watch him and that he looks afraid even from you? 
Ok, maybe this will help someone… But yeah, the neighbours really saw me now, while i spent 40 minutes on the window, i’ll hope that they are not freaked out by me, i feel lots of shame and paranoia tbh…
Big bs though that thing… I’ll still continue trying to wake up and fight even better with the other symptoms…
How do I stop an OCD anxiety attack? - (pagerutledge.com)
I wouldn’t worry too much about it. It’s probably not as bad as you think. Sure, they might notice you, but they probably don’t think anything bad.
Maybe you could try NAC, B-vitamins and vitamin D to help with the ocd.
Ok, thank you, i really am ashamed now in front of them… The guy who sees me knows that i am a mi already i find, for real… He sees me since a time, that i do strange stuff, that sometimes i even dont move from the couch for hours… But he remains tactic and delicate i find, maybe he just sees a person in trouble… Ok, thanks, i hope, that its not so bad for them yeap…
Honestly, it seems like you constantly seek out things to worry about.
What brings you happiness? There has to be things that you enjoy.
Its not my fault, that i turned like this zombiemombie… My pdocs were shocked of how severe i was… In the same time, i am relatively fine on the reason still… You cant know what is my struggle, what i fight against…I was really a dead soul for the honesty for very long, plus alone too in all that, even physically…
I look like wild now probably, but am fighting.
Well, my friends make me happy, my walks now, which i wasnt doing before, buying some gifts for myself and the others, my online bf too…
The ocd is new for me, i am probably getting above burried things now… My pdoc said long before my ocd, that i am an obsessive type of paranoid sz…
anyway, peace to all, i got exhausted from the rituals now, ill try to lift here somehow…
And i dont worry without reason… My mom made of me a real patient, she sees no future for me anymore and she is able to kick me out of my flat if i dont take good care of it, thats why i worry still…
I’ll listen to some music against ocd now on youtube, this exists too pals, if you need it, try it
How old are you?
Your mother isn’t your doctor.
You are in charge of your life and honestly, based on all of your posts, always shifting blame, you don’t seem to want to get any better.
No one knows your pain and struggle, sure.
But everyone on this forum has struggled and has pain. We’ve all had great suffering. The difference for many is they choose to male an effort to do better unstead of focusing on the past and finding different things to blame it on.
You can tell who is who.
Ok, zombie, i really fight now, not as before, when i landed on this forum, pls, believe me on that…
O go out now despite the fear, which is physical too and of which i walk as a penguin outside 
Anyway, maybe ill keep some of my symptoms for my docs, ok… even van gogh said, that maybe we should learn to suffer without complaint, while i still break your ears…
Am afraid of my mother though, even a friend, who knew her, told me, that mine can destroy me for real…
Maybe i was too much today again, am sorry…
Am giving you the music for ocd for those who need it 
I’ll try also to get happier and saner, am already on that way though 
It was just a tough ocd attack, zombie, idk if you want me still here? 
am sometimes trying to help too, ive gained also wisdom around what i knew…
I have my place still here, zombie? I am alone without that space too…
No one told you to leave. Stop trying to shift the conversation and try to blame me for making you leave or saying you have to. That’s ridiculous.
No one can destroy you. That’s bs.
And the conversation isn’t about her. It’s about you.
You say you do things, yet post the exact stuff over and over. You always expect us to make decisions for you from haor to shoes to teeth. If WE chose something bad, you cpuld just say “well, they told me to do it,so i dod”
Honestly, you really need to step up and start doing things yourself instead of shifting blame.
Ok, I’ll fight… i didnt blame you.
Ok, no one can destroy me, i see…
I was real unconscious for long, unable to think or feel good things.
For the rest, am 40 years old.
Am quite smashed now, am sorry… but yeap, we’ll fight for our healths and happuness
I probably should stop checking the window now, just urges now.
Ocd needs help to overcome. Np one is blaming you for that.
But you can stop staring at the neighbors. That makes people uncomfortable. Doesn’t matter why you think you are doing it. It’s creepy. Don’t make excuses.
40 is far too old to worry abput what your mother can do in your life. Make some choices. Do some things. Do tou live with her? If so, w9rk on moving out. If not, don’t answer to her.
And @Anna1 I am not being mean to be mean. I want you to actually fight. Get fired up. DO THINGS.