i cant stop thinking autistically… because of this, i am out of touch with the reality… i think all the time-how others function etc etc… i am scared people. it s not nothing to be in this state since 20 years despite the efforts of the pdocs to make me better… i am so scared, i live between 4 walls for god sake since years!!! i am real ■■■■■■ up in my head people. i am afraid that thinking like my thinking is a bad prognosis…i have this stupid thinking, i am totally anhedonic, no energy to move or emotions… i am getting old and i have nothing in life… is it bad to always compare to others in my head so much? i even dont have a personality…i dont know who i am… and i dont know what to expect from meds…i cant move myself anymore, i am feeling heavy and scared, its too much really…
another complaining thread for me but yes i dont feel fine. i dont know how my sz friends are succeeding to feel fine sometimes…
will i get better if i get out of my head? how to do it? how it was for you?is this will help? cause the other hand is to cant think to a lot of things, it doesn’t really help to cant think sometimes…
were you desperate for a long time on meds. and then suddenly, they started working? i even dont know whats my problem, i am just stuck here…i am not sure how the meds can help me??? were you like me, closed in your heads with all these questions? there is the thing that in the evenings, my meds depress me even more. i cant think well on them… in the day, its ok with this but it sucks, my evenings are hellish…
Anna, you’re already making progress. Did you feel happy for a little bit at all today?
i feel calm in the day already. thanks that you say that i have some progress already, maybe there is hope to feel much more better one day,really-thank you!!! 
i dont feel happy no cause i cant feel joy or love anymore since years :/…
maybe i am on the good way cause ive tried all the aps… in fact, i make the impression to be depressed but its more than this, all the pdocs know it…
do you think really that ill start to feel joy one day? maybe its so slow here because ive been ill all my life? its been 8 months that i am on Zyprexa…
otherwise, sometimes i have some sort of emotion close to the joy but i dont have the depth of the emotion. its more like some dumb euphoria, maybe i just want too much to be happy and i believe that if i fake joy, it will come. but for the moment, it doesn’t come 
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otherwise, i come from a place that my thinking even was torn. yesterday i saw my sister, she speaks loudly, almost shouting and me, i am always in the silence just smiling stupidly…
I;m glad you can feel calm. That’s at least something. I don’t know if you’ll feel joy again one day, but it’s certainly possible. It’s actually a good idea to fake joy a little bit. The act of smiling activates the part of the brain responsible for feeling joy, even when the person isn’t actually happy. It takes a lot of concentration, but maybe it will help after a while. You’re very brave for continuing to try to get better.
yes, i try to smile, of course. i know its something already… all i have now is faking… i want to say to other sz here that they achieve on some other things a lot better than me 
.
but yes @Ninjastar, i am afraid of my thinking, it is so messy…i have some bad thoughts, jealousy in my head, plus terror for my future…and the meds are not big help, i am just on my feet, that’s all(not lying in my bed)… but in the evening, they make the things worse, so i dont know if its good…
you, how do you feel, what are you doing in the life? yeah, its not nothing to have schizophrenia maybe…in the past,ive said to myself that ill do it one day but i am not sure. my mother says that there is no schizophrenic who is happy. in my mind i want to tell her-screw you, that’s all. but even this is no good or no? wow…
I had a good day today. I was able to sleep last night, and that helped a lot. I managed do do a few things that were productive.
I think your mom should stop trying to take away your hope. It is possible for you to get better. It is possible for you to feel joy again one day. Every day you wake up and keep fighting.
is it possible to be in this state because of her? she is du genre where she watches an advertisement where one woman says that her child will achieve great things in life and my mother is saying instantly ‘’ no way, oh yes, she is dumb this mother,he wont achieve anything…’’. she says to me that ill never have family, never have a job or more friends… why is she like this, are there other mothers like mine? to all my sz friends their parents are telling them exactly the opposite for god sake…
I definitely think it has a negative impact on your self-esteem. I don’t know what advice to offer you about it, though. I think if she encouraged you to get better, instead of putting you down, it would really help you. Maybe you can just remind her that you’re trying your best. And you can tell her that Ninjastar says you’re doing much better than you were before Zyprexa.
haha ok. for the meds she is quite comprehensive, in the past she even wanted from me to try without them but know she is i am relatively fine. for me, fine is to can get out of the bed. even though if i stay at my house all the day…
for my meds, i can get influencable to stop them by the other people. all the people who i know are a lot against meds in general and i still talk to them about my meds which is an error maybe…
otherwise, why my mother is so negative, i dont understand? do you think that there a lot of parents like this? and still, why??? because of her tough life that she had???
She might be just trying not to get her hopes up. It is probably hard for a parent to deal with supporting us when we aren’t doing well. And she has had many years of that. I think a lot of parents lose hope after a while. That doesn’t make it okay, though.
ok, i see. because my sz is by complaining a lot. i dont do it just to talk, i do it cause i suffer. ok,ill try not to get mad with my mothers opinion. and yes, for the moment, i cant prove her nothing good…
otherwise, do you think that i can get out of my dumbing state one day?
you personnaly dont work, isn’t it? i gave up for the moment but in fact i think about the work a lot and it makes me feel guilty… my parents never thought about my mental health i guess… i was a quiet kid who hadn’t problems even at school. but one pdoc said to me that its exactly the quiet kids who get crazy cause its a suffering still wow…
i dont know what is to be fine, its hard this…
It’s totally okay to be angry with your mom for saying those things. She shouldn’t be saying them. But I don’t think she does it to be mean.
Yes, I think you can get past this and do better. I think you are already showing a bit of improvement.
Do you ever go out with your mother
? I thought she wanted you to get out more. What country do you live in? Do you watch tv? Do you try to write a journal?9
@twinkit, yes, my mom says that i dont struggle enough cause i dont go out often. in fact, many people here think it also i find… but how do you want to do it when you are paranoid or when you feel your energy goignt to the feet outside? when my voice get shaky totally, being alogic with my friends, no joy, no positive emotions??? i have them in severe forms all this…
otherwise, i watch tv yes. with my mom too. at my house, i try to do things.
@Ninjastar, have you seen cases like me? and do you believe in the thing that it can take years to get better? cause you all seem to get better just in months .
It took me twelve years to get better. And then I got sick again, but it was easier to get better that time. I only discovered the forum two years ago. That’s why it looked like I got better so quickly.
you are a survivor then like me 
great that you are doing better now you ve switched meds for all this time? me ive done it for 7 years and nothing worked. and i cant say that the Zyprexa works now. its just that i dont have terrible side effects on it and it calms me down a little bit…
Im sorry you struggle so much. Maybe try to go out when there are the least amount of people.
I have tried fluvoxamine, propranalol, depakote, risperidone, buspar, hydroxozine, gabapentin, amitriptyline, and Geodon. Geodon was the magic one that worked for me, combined with a low dose of amitriptyline. But every brain is different.