A family member whose cancer went into remission due to 98% of it being successfully removed a few years ago and nothing showing up on the 6 follow up scans, has received news that the latest follow up showed a growth.
I already knew.
I could tell by the symptoms they were having that it was back, and I was essentially just waiting for them to gather the courage to tell me.
Last time they told me a tumour had started growing, after having been in remission for a few years, after doing chemo, their prognosis was 3 years give or take, at best.
As in “Miika, I have an appointment for euthanasia in Switzerland in two years from now because that’s when the pain will get so bad no painkiller will keep me even remotely functional”
This time, they don’t want chemo until they become too crippled to perform everyday tasks, at which point I fear it might be too late.
And seeing as the last 2 surgeries (they’ve had it 3 times before) left them with seizure causing scar-tissue, they don’t want to risk having surgery again. Which I get, because last time they had about a 60% chance of losing either speech or motor function.
It hurts so much watching them slowly debilitate as the tumour grows, and having been through it before, knowing that the worst is yet to come.
Mood swings, migraines, fatigue, seizures, dizzy spells, a severe worsening of an existing anxiety disorder…
I love this family member and wish them good things, and it hurts to have to see them have to go through this for nothing less than the fourth time within a ten year span.
I am so upset I don’t know if I’m numb or dissociative or what,
I’m upsetti spaghetti and at the same time, eerily calm.
But I do know that when I should be sleeping, I stare into the darkness and/or toss and turn for an hour before even being able to attempt to sleep.
I feel the universe is serving them a great injustice. I feel it is unfair that one person can get so much crap thrown at them, especially someone who has paid such an effort to turn their life around and go all-in with the shitty hand life dealth them.
He’s 32. You’re not supposed to die from cancer at 32. You still have 2/3 life left. You’re not supposed to spend two years in agony and then convince someone to OD you on morphine.
You’re not supposed to be in so much pain daily that you can barely walk straight.
It’s so unfair and I can do nothing to help them, except be supportive and offer a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear.
Has anyone else got experiencec with this?