I am beyond upset (cancer)

A family member whose cancer went into remission due to 98% of it being successfully removed a few years ago and nothing showing up on the 6 follow up scans, has received news that the latest follow up showed a growth.

I already knew.

I could tell by the symptoms they were having that it was back, and I was essentially just waiting for them to gather the courage to tell me.

Last time they told me a tumour had started growing, after having been in remission for a few years, after doing chemo, their prognosis was 3 years give or take, at best.
As in “Miika, I have an appointment for euthanasia in Switzerland in two years from now because that’s when the pain will get so bad no painkiller will keep me even remotely functional”

This time, they don’t want chemo until they become too crippled to perform everyday tasks, at which point I fear it might be too late.
And seeing as the last 2 surgeries (they’ve had it 3 times before) left them with seizure causing scar-tissue, they don’t want to risk having surgery again. Which I get, because last time they had about a 60% chance of losing either speech or motor function.

It’s just…
It hurts so much watching them slowly debilitate as the tumour grows, and having been through it before, knowing that the worst is yet to come.
Mood swings, migraines, fatigue, seizures, dizzy spells, a severe worsening of an existing anxiety disorder…

I love this family member and wish them good things, and it hurts to have to see them have to go through this for nothing less than the fourth time within a ten year span.

I am so upset I don’t know if I’m numb or dissociative or what,
I’m upsetti spaghetti and at the same time, eerily calm.

But I do know that when I should be sleeping, I stare into the darkness and/or toss and turn for an hour before even being able to attempt to sleep.

I feel the universe is serving them a great injustice. I feel it is unfair that one person can get so much crap thrown at them, especially someone who has paid such an effort to turn their life around and go all-in with the shitty hand life dealth them.

I mean…
He’s 32. You’re not supposed to die from cancer at 32. You still have 2/3 life left. You’re not supposed to spend two years in agony and then convince someone to OD you on morphine.

You’re not supposed to be in so much pain daily that you can barely walk straight.

It’s so unfair and I can do nothing to help them, except be supportive and offer a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear.

Has anyone else got experiencec with this?


I’m so sorry. I don’t have the experience, but I want you to know I care. We care. Keep coming here and talking through it. You know the forum has your back.

Much love to you and your loved one.


My mum got to the end of melanoma and had to make the same choices. Didn’t want chemo but in the end we couldn’t look after her. It was really horrible but she went to paliative care but didn’t really last long. It was a long journey and so sorry for you and your family. It’s never easy but you just have to be there for them.

It sux. There’s not much worse.

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I’m really sorry to hear this. Your family member is lucky to have you as a supportive figure in his life. If we can do anything for you, let us know.

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Thank you all.
To quote a meme I once saw: “I just want to cry and play video games”


Then do that.

Do whatever healthy things you can to cope. Losing yourself in a good cry and a game might be what you need.


Yes. My sister died of cancer around 34 years old(I’m struggling to remember the year now…as its been awhile). First she lost her leg and then it spread everywhere else. Lots of medication and surgeries later she finally ended up suffocating after being removed from a ventilator in the care facility she was moved to. She fought it for like 5 years. So I know where you are coming from. You have my sympathy.

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I’m so sorry to hear that, that’s awful.

I kind of wish this cancer was in a removeable limb, because then there might be a chance that it won’t kill them, but it’s in the brain.

It sounds like your sister did everything she could and still lost the fight, and I’m deeply sorry that you, her, and your family had to go through that.

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Thanks @Pikasaur. It was the worst experiance of my life watching her die. I am very sorry for your situation as well.

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Do you have any pointers on how to help myself and the afflicted family member deal with it?

I wish I did. I don’t know what you can really do but be there for them until the time comes. Then grieve and try to move on. I was hopeful even up until the time when they took her off the ventilator thinking that maybe she would be able to breathe on her own. I always tried to stay optimistic . But if theres no hope, like i said just be there for them and grieve when the time comes. I know that isn’t very comforting but it’s about the only advice I have.

I want to stay optimistic, I really do, but at the same time, I don’t want to give myself false hope and make it even harder for myself when everything fails despite wishing it didn’t, you know?

Maybe I’m being too hard on myself


My Grandpa had colon cancer and was able to get rid of it by having a really strict diet of healthy veggies, fruits, and vitamins. I’m not saying that is the solution, but what we eat is a huge factor. I hope everything turns out ok.

I am very sorry… my dad also had cancer in the brain and within 3 months from his first seizure he was gone… it was very tough for him and us… we just tried to be there for him in his last days and just make it as comfortable as possible … im sorry its very tough :pensive:

You’re not gonna diet yourself through brain cancer, hun.

EDIT: Do not want to turn this thread into a debate of any sorts. @Pikasaur, we are all here for you.

No, you don’t get to state something as fact without citing proof and then say “it’s not a debate” to silence facts that oppose your claims. You can’t make claims unless you’ve researched it yourself. There’s plenty of results for the benefits of vitamins and nutrition against it.


And also

It must be terrible not to be able to do anything to stop the suffering of cancer, especially when the person is 32 years old. I think that in the assisted living centers where I have lived we only get palliative care when we have cancer. I’m not sure but what I would want it that way if I had cancer.

My uncle died of pancreatic cancer in 2 months at 35 y.o. We tried every supplement there is. Concentrated curcuma extract with black pepper to increase absorption, lemongrass juice, etc It didn’t help. A couple of studies can be wrong, you need lots of large scale studies (thousands of patients) to prove something. He spent thousands of dollars on supplements bcz he was desperate and it was wasted. Maybe it helped him psychologically like hope but certainly not medically.

He even paid many priests to pray on him in the hospital. It didn’t help. False hope can help a bit sometimes.

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I am sorry @Bowens and @Pikasaur

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