As if we weren’t having enough fun with watching him disintegrate with dementia, now he has cancer too. He goes for a PET scan this week. We’ll know after that at what stage the cancer’s at. As it stands, he’s scheduled for a four hour surgery to remove a lesion on his jaw. If the PET scan shows that it’s spread to lymph nodes, etc., then further surgeries will be performed.
He doesn’t remember from one moment to the next what’s going on. He’s just confused and scared about why so much is happening…
Sorry for dumping a negative post. I’m struggling with everything that’s happening to my dad. It feels unfair.
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I’m so sorry. I hope your dad recovers smoothly.
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I’m very sorry to hear that. hugs from the internet
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That’s horrible. Sending (((hugs))) your way. Best of luck to you and your dad.
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Cancer treatment has come a long way. Hope for the best.
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@everhopeful, you’re always encouraging to me. I feel like we think the same way often. Forgive me, then if I say that I don’t want him to recover. His dementia steals more of him every day. There’s no cure or improvement with dementia, he will just continue to slip away.
So, part of my struggle right now is wishing for it all to just end.
Thank you for responding, @everhopeful. I don’t want to dump on you at all. I do appreciate your support ️
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I think it’s perfectly understandable that you feel that way. I think it’s enough that you’re there for him to comfort him in his last days.
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So sorry to hear this.
Prior to his illness, did he discuss what his wishes might be?
If he would not have wanted it, you do not necessarily have to pursue treatment that might only reduce his quality of life in the time he has left. You might ask his doctors about hospice, which is about maximizing his good time left.
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Part of the situation is that my oldest brother has Power of Attorney, and every other power in this situation. There are seven siblings in all, and he is the oldest. He has graciously taken all the responsibility, but on the other hand no one else has a say in what happens with our dad.
I believe he’ll drag my dad through every treatment available because it would seem wrong to him not to. However, if the PET scan shows that the cancer is Stage Four, I’m hoping the doctors will advise my brother to not put my dad through painful and confusing treatments…
Thank you for understanding, @twinklestars.
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I’m sorry, @Montezuma. It’s a horrible thing to go through. My mom had Stage Four Lung Cancer. She lost her mind for the last two years of her life and suffered tremendously. I just don’t want to see my dad go through something similar.
You understand what a nightmare it is. ️
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I’m sure he doesn’t want to lose your dad …
But perhaps after the shock has worn off he will be able to think about what the end goal is, if they know he’s not going to get better.
Hugs.
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@twinklestars the goal is for the person to be alive as long as possible.
In the future heaven knows, cures for cancer, for dementia, for anything.
The goal should be to keep the person alive for as long as possible.
And I hope that the kids will fight for their dad, I for one am willing to go out of my way even for a stranger.
That may be your goal, but the father may have his own wishes.
Hopefully he has expressed them.
As much as I believe in the future of medical technology, we still live in the now. The doctors can only do so much.
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I hope he has good, ethical doctors that will let him know what the right thing to do is in this case. He’ll be getting counsel himself on what the best thing to do is. I really hope that.
@twinklestars I doubt the validity of the wishes of an old, frail, enfeebled man.
It is very problematic.
When people are old and enfeebled, they tend to agree to things that if healthy, young and vigorous
they wouldn’t countenance.
I for one hope that despite his cancer and dementia he still has fighting spirit and a desire to live,
but I would try to extend his life even against his wishes.
My dad is suffering terribly already. This diagnosis means that his suffering is about to increase significantly. The prognosis is such that he will suffer at this and an increased level for the rest of his experience here. To want to keep him here for as long as possible is to want him to suffer for as long as possible.
I am hopeful for all sorts of cures in the future. It’s noble of you to hope for and want life, etc., but this is the reality of this specific situation. It’s not going to get better. I already had to watch my mom suffer. I want mercy for my dad.
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He’s in the care of others because he can’t make decisions for himself anymore. I do hope the doctors will be reasonable in counseling my brother. Thank you, @Coldcomfort.
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I’m so sorry. I’ll be thinking of you two and hoping for the best outcome possible. 
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