Humiliation

DX'd - Other
1

I feel horror.

I couldnt finish cleaning the house in time. I packed everything well. The rooms with all the furniture and boxes we had to move were better, but still dirty. But i didnt clean my kitchen and bathroom and windows and behind the fridge etcetera. Some parts for ages and ages. I hoped people would stay away from there, but they came with about 8 people and they just entered all the rooms to clean everything.

Im terribly ashamed.

2

Don’t feel ashamed. I never clean

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3

Thanks. It is just…normies have different standards. All of a sudden they could see im actually a psychiatric patient. I prefer to hide that.

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4

Yes, they have high standards. But we do what we can.

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5

Thanks…11515151

6

I’m sorry you feel so exposed as a psychiatric patient. I wouldn’t handle that well so I sympathize

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7

Thanks. Im so afraid of what people think. People know i have something, but i dont think they realise i just neglected everything so much. Now they all saw.

My other friend too, and he doesnt know i have “something”, so he will just think im a dirty swine.

8

Yeah. Hang in there. Try to remember it’s an illness and you weren’t well enough to do it.

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9

Yes, that is true. And also, things were turbulent lately.

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10

So cut yourself some slack. You did the best you could.

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11

Don’t feel ashamed. I have a woman who comes to clean my house twice a week. I feel so tired and sleepy with medication and my house is so big to clean it on my own.

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12

I understand completely. When my sisters come to help me I feel so embarrassed but they always are so kind and totally understand. I think we make it worse in our heads.

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13

I understand how you feel. i can’t seem to keep a house clean. It is embarrassing to have anyone over and I do anything to keep people from coming.

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14

My dad saw it. He said it wasnt THAT bad, he had expected it to be worse. Im slightly comforted. Still i saw the church people found it a mess.

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15

Yes i do that too, keeping them out. First i made excuses. Now i just tell them it is too much of a mess. Im happy now with the new clean house i can invite people! And i will get a help, so maybe it stays that way.

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16

I could set records for living in dirty quarters. Try not to dwell on it.

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17

Thanks! I try!

It was a bit confrontational though. All these people quite seriously saw behind my façade of normalcy. Also, i kind of realised how bad it was myself. I didnt see it anymore really, until i saw it through their eyes.

Im just really good at tolerating dirt and chaos. :slight_smile:

18

I wish houses stayed clean on their own

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19

Well of all people who should show compassion, it would be church people. But I know even church people can be clucking hens. C’est la vie.

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20

They did show compassion, but…I dont know. I fear it is superficial, they will find me disgusting behind my back. I heard one of the guys ask “hm…can you get it clean?”, when i wasnt there. I feel judged. I should have hired a team and not let all these people in. :’-(

The more i think about it, the more terrified i am about ever facing them again.